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“There are places in the Dead Lands,” Kaito offers slowly.
“Not all monsters will welcome Kai in their territories,” Dade points out. “She could be in danger from them. Plus, the hunters have been hunting there for months now. They likely know many places we would go.”
“What about the Shadow Lands? Or the Gilded Lands?” Kaito suggests. “Surely, they wouldn’t think to look for us there.”
“Too dangerous,” Rook replies. “We stand out too much.” He gestures to himself, to his body, as if to prove his point. “No. The Dead Lands is our best chance.”
I listen to them go back and forth for hours, trying to discern where the best place to run is. At first, I offer nothing. What do I know about hiding? What do I know about the hunters? All I know is that I brought this upon them. Because of me, Merryl will return and hurt them. Because of me, they are in danger.
When Kaito slams his fists against the table, I realize I’ve zoned out. It startles me back to awareness, and I blink at them when I see them arguing.
“We must decide! Talking is doing nothing!” Kaito snarls. “Kai is in danger here!”
“Yes! But no one has any ideas,” Weyland retorts. “You haven’t been helpful either—”
“I say we just go. We leave,” Dade offers. “We’ll figure out where later.”
“A journey without direction is a death sentence,” Rook counters. “We need a plan—”
I clear my throat, and all four of them turn to me, their eyes blazing with the heat of the moment. Until now, I allowed them to discuss what’s best for me, but I’m no longer the Kai who was afraid of her own shadow. This is my life. I won’t move through it without purpose or care. It’s time I took control of it and chose the direction I want my future to go rather than allow others to.
“I think I might have an idea,” I murmur. When they continue to look at me expectantly, I say, “My sister, she would protect us.”
Kaito straightens, his eyes wide. “Are you certain you’re ready for that, Kai?”
No, I think.No, I’m not, but. . . “We need her help, and it has to happen at some point.” I don’t mention that I could likely avoid it for years, so afraid of seeing her pain and confronting the guilt that eats me alive. Cora once gave everything for me, and I’d been too broken to stay by her side. Some part of me understands it had to happen the way it did for me to meet my monsters, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. How can I ever look her in the eye after everything that’s happened? How can I look the queen in the eye and know that I failed my sister?
Rook is watching me closely, his eyes seeing more than they should. He can see into the shadows themselves, into the darkness that I carry. I know he can, but he doesn’t bring up any of the thoughts he learns from that darkness. Instead, he tilts his head. “Are you sure you want to do this, little oblivion?”
“What choice do we have?” I ask him with a sigh. “We’re being hunted. Cora needs to know just how bad the monsterhunters have gotten, and we need help. It’s either go to her or wander around the Dead Lands with no true plan.”
“Yes, but your pain is more important,” Dade offers. “We wouldn’t like to cause more pain.”
It’s not more important. I know that. I nearly watched Kaito die beneath my hands. I watched him bleed from a mortal wound that no creature could survive. My guilt is not more important than that. My fear has no place in the face of such danger. I’d march into any situation to save my monsters and keep any of them from going through that again. There’s never a guarantee that my power will wake up on command the next time. There’s no guarantee that there will be time to save them. So, no.
“It’s not pain,” I whisper. “It’s fear, and I’m so tired of being afraid.” I reach over the table and take Kaito’s hand. His webbed fingers thread with mine, offering comfort when just a few hours ago, he was dying. “My sister will help us, or at the very least, help with the hunters. It’s the only option we have.”
Rook’s eyes should be terrifying, but I meet his gaze, unflinching. I’ve grown since I left the king’s castle. I’m still afraid, yes, but I’m no longer just afraid of the world. I’m more afraid of losing my monsters, of them dying and leaving me on this earth without them. I can’t live without them. I refuse to.
Weyland nods. “Then we should leave straightaway. I’ll pack up the food we have.”
“I’ll grab essentials,” Kaito adds. “Dade, you keep watch in case they return.”
Rook and I remain at the table, his eyes still on me. When the others get to work gathering things, he doesn’t move. I can see the tension in his shoulders brought on by concern for my well-being.
“Are you so certain of this idea, little oblivion?” he asks softly. “We can make other plans.”
I tilt my chin up. “I will no longer live only in fear,” I tell him. “Cora is my sister. I . . . I owe her everything that I am.”
“I can see the uncertainty in your eyes,” he murmurs. “It lingers there with your strength.”
I glance down at the woodgrain of the table, running my fingers along the texture there. “The last time I saw Cora, I was throwing myself from a castle, too broken to see any other option. My guilt eats me alive. My fear that she’ll hate me sticks in my throat, even though I know Cora could never hate me. I let her step through that wall for me,” I rasp, “and when she returned to save me yet again, I couldn’t even do her the honor of sticking around. I’m a terrible sister, but Cora was always a great one.”
Rook watches me choke out the words, and then he reaches for my hand. The coolness of his shadows dances along my skin, raising awareness without meaning to. Rook simply exists to exist. Every part of him is a reminder of darkness and light. It’s a strange combination, seeing something so deadly be so gentle when he takes my hand.
“I am willing to bet that Cora would never call you a terrible sister, little oblivion.”
I choke down the sob that threatens to rip from my throat. “You’re right. She never would, but that doesn’t mean I’m not exactly that.”
