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He shrugged. “When you come from a sperm bank, you understand the donor doesn’t want to be identified or contacted, and you leave him alone. I won’t be that guy who goes chasing after someone who’d rather not be found, you know?”
She understood. In a way, that wasn’t too different from how she felt about her own father. She wasn’t going to chase after Stuart and beg him to love her. She’d made up her mind on that years ago.
There was something else she wanted to ask Hendrix, but it was a bit trickier, because it involved the people she’d been so grateful they’d avoided talking about thus far. Only the fact that she’d wondered since she was a child compelled her to ignore that it would reveal too much about herself and her own needs. “Why do you think Lynn was able to accept you and not me?”
He didn’t answer right away. He sat still for several seconds, his eyes resting on her as though he was carefully forming his response. Then he said, “I can’t point to one reason, Ellen. That’s a complicated thing, right? No doubt it had something to do with the fact that I was already a blood relation. I was big for my age, so I’d be able to help Stuart with the business. I gave her son a protector, and I helped their bottom line. It made sense from a practical standpoint, I guess.”
“So that’s it? It was strictly practical?” she said. “She saw me as a weakling who couldn’t do what you could do and saw you as someone who could drill?”
“I’m not finished. From a not-so-practical standpoint, she may have felt too obligated to refuse. She and my mother were close. When I was little, they traveled to see each other whenever they could and talked on the phone all the time. And since I don’t have a father, there was no one else to step in, which placed the responsibility squarely on her shoulders. My mother might even have gone to her before deciding to have a child and asked if she’d be there as a safety net, if necessary.”
“And she probably said yes, assuming she’d never be needed.”
“Exactly.”
That made sense. Ellen had explored those ideas herself. But it was still difficult to figure out what was so terrible about her that she couldn’t have been accepted, too.
“Some of it might even have been about timing,” he continued when she didn’t speak. “My mother died only a few months after Stuart divorced your mother and married Lynn. Everything was new and most likely overwhelming. Stuart was still having trouble with your mother, trying to kick loose of her long after the paperwork was final. I’ve heard stories about her driving from Anaconda and showing up drunk out of nowhere, throwing things through the window, screaming at him or my aunt in public and refusing to let him see you. It simply might’ve been too much for him—easier to put some distance between the two families and take away the leverage having you gave Jan. On top of that, since Lynn was taking me in, she probably felt she couldn’t deal with another child. You had your mother—at least in her mind—and I had no one. Also,Iwasn’t any threat to her, you know? With you... My guess is she was insecure enough that she didn’t want any competition when it came to her new husband’s affections.”
“Competition...” Ellen muttered, scarcely able to believe a woman could be that threatened by a child.
“I know. It’s immature and unkind and says a lot of things about her I’d rather not face. Because, for all her faults, she’s been good to me. But...those kinds of rivalries crop up—”
“With certain small-minded people.” She hated the bitterness that crept into her voice. She was afraid he could hear it, too. But it was too late to think better of speaking; the words were already out.
“It must’ve been rough for you,” he said gently.
That she was tempted to lean into the kindness in his voice and let his empathy soothe some of her deepest wounds brought her to her feet. He couldn’t care. Not sincerely. He was one ofthem. “The pizza’s probably ready. I’d better go grab it.”
Fifteen
Hendrix was exhausted by the time they struck water, but he was relieved to see that it wasn’t too sandy. “Once we develop this well, it’s going to be just fine,” he said as they watched water spout from the top of the rig and cascade onto the ground.
Ellen looked as though she was tired, too. She stood back, wearily shading her eyes against the setting sun as she admired the success of the new well. “Thank goodness.”
Hendrix glanced toward the road. “I’m surprised Jay hasn’t been out here.”
“So am I.” She checked her phone. “It’s getting late. But I haven’t heard from him.”
If she hadn’t heard from him, maybe there was still time to get off the property before his neighbor dropped by to check on the well’s progress and caught him helping Ellen. It would be harder to spare the time to finish up tomorrow when he’d be more pressed to take care of the demands of his own business. But he’d have less chance of bumping into Jay while he was with Ellen if he came back during regular working hours. “I’d better get going,” he said. “Thanks for dinner.”
“It was the least I could do,” she said. “Thanks for jumping in to rescue me. Again.”
“Could you have said that any more grudgingly?” he said with a laugh. “God, you hate needing anyone.”
“I do,” she admitted, laughing, too. “I’d much rather be self-sufficient.” She sobered. “But I am grateful.”
He nodded. “It doesn’t hurt to accept a little help every once in a while.”
“If you say so. But I definitely plan to pay you for your time, so...don’t worry about that.”
“I’m not worried about it, because I’m not taking anything. It’s your job. You keep the money.”
She looked stunned. “No way! This cost you a whole day, and unless we can make quick work of the rest of it tomorrow, it could cost you another. Your time is valuable. I can’t accept your help for free.”
“It’s not up to you,” he said with a shrug. “It’s up to me.”
“I’m going to pay you,” she insisted.
