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“I feel miserable,” Chayton grumbled, shaking the stones in his hand, rattling them together as he tested their weight.
“Welcome to my life,” I retorted under my breath.
“I don’t know why you do this to yourself.”
I sighed, not willing to touch that comment with a ten-foot stick. “She’s going to forgive you, you know,” I told him just to ease the forlorn feelings radiating through the pack bond. Chayton was beating himself up more than I ever could.
“Lorn’s a better person than us. She’s an angel. The most precious thing I’ve ever been given.”
“Fate, as you say, may have brought her to us, but Lorn’s not a gift.”
Chayton’s sharpened gaze sliced into me as I moved to his side, hiked my jeans up, and sat beside him.
“Let me fucking finish.” I shook my head and stole one of the small stones from his hand. “Lorn’s not an object to possess, or some pretty treasure to hoard. She wasn’t given to us or us to her. Did fate have a hand in bringing us together? Sure. But she decided to stay. She’s a woman who wakes up every day and makes a choice to be with us. Fate or not, she’s chosen us. Our pack. That’s never been as clear as it is now in the light of the broken bonds. She’s free, and yet she’s still here.”
Winding back, I threw the stone across the creek, watching it hit some foliage on its descent to the ground where it landed with a muted thud.
“When did you get so wise?” Chayton side-eyed me, raising a brow, but it didn’t hide his impressed expression.
“Pssh.” I gave him a cocky smirk. “I always have been, but apparently it only applies when I’m looking at other people and not myself.”
We were quiet for a few minutes, listening to the water rush over the smooth rocks of the creek bed.
“I don’t know what we’re going to do. I feel so lost right now.” A tan hand settled over Chayton’s chest, his deep gaze searching the shadowed forest beyond for answers he’d never find.
“That’s not surprising. You lost your mate bond and your position as beta all in the same day. You’re allowed to take a minute, and when you’re ready, you’re going to go back to the house and apologize to your mate. Then you’re going to grovel and work your ass off to get back in her good graces. Luckily, she cares about you, and I think she understands why you took off. She’s feeling the loss of the mate bond just as keenly as you are.”
“And what about yourself?” The moon was bright enough in the sky that I caught Chayton’s knowing look.
“Oh no. Don’t turn this around on me. I’m not asking for advice.”
“You’re going to get some anyway. We’ve all been giving you space, Kota, but this pack isn’t about to leave you behind. Lorn’s our mate, and I don’t want to see you miss out on the best thing in your life just because you’re still harboring old wounds and not allowing them to heal.”
“It’s more complicated than that.” I sighed deeply.
“Is it?” Chayton turned toward me, propping his leg on the rock and draping his forearm across it. “You’ve punished yourself for a crime you didn’t commit, and you’ve been drowning in self-loathing and grief far longer than is healthy, Kota. What happened to Enoli wasn’t your fault.”
“It doesn’t matter how many times I hear that, it doesn’t change the guilt. He was on my watch when they tracked him down and murdered him just for being part of our family line. He wasn’t even a fucking shadow touched.” My voice cracked, and I swallowed the emotion rising and threatening to choke me. “If I had been there to pick him up on time after his class, he would still be alive.”
“Or you would have both been caught off guard and killed that day. You don’t know the outcome of every what-if. Don’t put that responsibility on your shoulders too. What happened was terrible, but it wasn’t your fault.”
I scoffed. “Obviously the Fates don’t agree with you. If it wasn’t my fault, I wouldn’t be shadow touched.”
“You and I both know that’s not exactly accurate. Look at Lorn. She turned because her mother died in childbirth. Was it her fault? Not even a little, yet the Fates deemed it enough. It’s gray territory. Your story is the same, Kota.”
My teeth were on edge as I dealt with my own personal brand of bullshit, fighting off the lies in my head saying Chayton was wrong, but deep down, I knew he was right. I clung to that, trying to claw my way out of the guilt that always buried me six feet under.
“Think about it,” Chayton implored. “If Axel hadn’t switched the plans last minute and asked you to pick up Enoli in his place, things may have turned out differently. Or if your mother hadn’t picked up someone else’s shift and had to work that day. Or if your father hadn’t died years earlier and left your mom to raise three boys alone. Or if Enoli had obeyed the rules and waited inside for you to get there instead of waiting on the sidewalk.”
I bristled, ready to defend my family from his accusations, but Chayton held up a hand and silenced me.
“I’m not saying that what happened was anyone’s fault. That’s the point I’m making. It’s easy to take the blame and make it fit. Doesn’t mean it was ever your burden to bear. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Your brother didn’t deserve to die that day. He was an innocent bystander in an ancient war that never should have touched him, and if there’s anyone to blame for what happened, it’s the bastards who killed your brother.” Chayton gripped my shoulder in a brotherly way. “None of it should have happened, but sometimes fate has a twisted way of working out. The great spirits always have a plan.”
I laughed mirthlessly and shook him off. “The great spirits don’t give a fuck about us.” I stared into the midnight sky, glaring at the stars that winked in the onyx void.
If there were truly spirits guiding our path the way Chayton thought there were, they were seriously twisted fuckers.
Chayton sighed. “Do you care about Lorn?”
