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“Of course I do.” I surprised myself with my rapid response. I didn’t need to think about it. Lorn had always intrigued me, whether I was fighting the attraction or giving into it. I might have loathed the people who raised her, but it hadn’t taken long for me to realize she was nothing like the vicious warlocks who’d taken my brother’s life so mercilessly. She was kind and smart, loving and sweet, fierce and protective. She was the perfect puzzle piece for each of my packmates, creating a complete picture out of our pack.
She was more than I had the right to ask for. More than I deserved.
“I’m not a whole person, Chayton. Lorn deserves better than that.”
Chayton tossed another stone, this one flat enough that it skipped over the water’s surface before sinking to the bottom.
“That’s bullshit, Kota. You’re scarred, but not broken. Our past doesn’t define us, it makes us stronger. You and Axel have been through hell and back. You’ve trod through fire, but the heat molded you. It didn’t break you.”
I swallowed again, trying to keep the emotion that threatened to leak down my face at bay, but my eyes watered, and I knew Chayton saw.
“The intense grief you felt—still feel—over your brother’s death is a testament to how deeply you love, Kota. And what a gift that is. Don’t let them take that from you when they’ve already stolen so much already.”
“I vowed I’d never let anyone close enough to hurt me like that,” I whispered, the words a secret confession in the cloak of night.
Chayton released a derisive laugh but shook his head at the same time. “I’m not ridiculing you, I swear, but did you think we hadn’t noticed? You were such a little shit when Dason first found you and took you into the pack. You did everything you could to keep your distance at first, but we wore you down. If you think you haven’t already broken that vow, you’re truly blind.”
“It’s not the same…” My frustration rose, and I wondered how this conversation had reversed course and become centered on me when I’d been the one to chase him down in the first place.
“No. Maybe it’s not exactly the same, but it’s close. How would you feel if something happened to me or Dase or, God forbid, Axel? Even Jolon and Syler have quickly become pack. Part of living is making your heart vulnerable.”
“I’d be torn apart if something happened to any of you, but Lorn…”
Chayton ran his hand over his chest again.
“Trust me, I know.”
“When we lost the connection to her, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on, and we were only blood bound.” I shuddered, the reminder of that dreaded night like cold fingers trailing down my spine. “I felt your devastation, Chayton.”
“Being with Lorn is worth the chance of pain.” Chayton gazed at me steadily. “Wouldn’t you rather savor every second you can have together, whether it’s a week, a month, or sixty years? Because regret can be just as devastating as loss, though I shouldn’t need to tell you that.”
“Fuck.” A mixture of panic and excitement collided in my chest, building to a crescendo. I was standing on a cliff, peering over the edge, willing myself to jump while adrenaline coursed through my veins. My heart wanted to fly but my brain was as scared as a child in a thunderstorm, warning me of the danger ahead if I stepped past the brink.
I stood from the rock and paced, driving my hand into my hair.
“I already promised myself I’d stop standing in my own way. I don’t think I can resist. When I lost her connection, I’d never felt bleaker. She gives me a sense of purpose I hadn’t even realized I was missing.”
Chayton’s white smile gleamed in the moonlight, contrasting against his brown skin. “I’m glad you’ve finally come to your senses.”
“I’m not going to lie…” I turned and stared in the direction of the house. Though I couldn’t see it through the trees, I could picture Lorn standing at the window, waiting for her mates to return. “It scares the shit out of me.”
“If she doesn’t scare the hell out of you a little, she’s not the one.” Chayton tossed the rest of his rocks and stood, joining me on the path back to the house. “It’s what you do when you’re afraid that makes you a man.”
I thought that through as we headed back to the house, stopping when the tree line broke. Warm light glowed from the windows, the structure settled into the forest like it was part of the landscape. It was easy to picture a future here, the whole pack with Lorn.
I’d never let myself dream before, but suddenly I couldn’t hold back the torrent of images that flooded my mind.
“If anything happens to her, there’ll be nothing left of me,” I whispered into the still night, afraid to give credence to my fears. “She has the ability to destroy me.”
“That, my brother, is the beauty of loving someone.” Chayton patted me on the back and started walking ahead of me, anxious to return to Lorn and beg for forgiveness. A few steps in, he spun on his heel, walking backward. “But what a way to go.”
Twenty-One
Lorn
Itipped my face to the sky, soaking in the rising moonbeams like I was lounging on hot sand on some exotic beach. The sun had just set, making it safe to come outside, and I was trying to absorb what was left.
“Missing the sun?” Dason asked, striding toward me with his hands tucked into the sweats hanging off his body.
