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“Nothing. Just thinking about how much fun I’ve had tonight.” I grin, hoping to deflect as I take another bite of pizza.
Ben looks at me for a beat before going back to his own slice. For a moment, I think he’s going to leave it be, but he speaks, his gaze trained on his pizza. “If something happened tonight, you can tell me. I’d like to think we’re on our way to being really good friends.”
I don’t want to tell him what’s happened and how close I was to giving in to Sebastian. I’m ashamed of my actions, and I don’t need anyone judging me anymore than I am already judging myself.
“Honestly, it was just hard to see him again. It’s always hard to see him,” I lie.
“I get that. I really do. My advice still stands though…”
“Stop judging Alex of the past and future,” we say in unison.
Ben continues, “Exactly. Sometimes in life there will be a person who will have a hold on your soul and, no matter how much you want to walk away, you’ll keep coming back for more. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just go with it and know that the universe has a plan for you and what you are experiencing is that plan.”
I don’t say anything, instead I think over his words, going back and forth about whether the universe has a grander plan or if she’s just trying to fuck me in the ass for kicks.
It doesn’t take us long to devour the pizza and, once everything is cleaned up, I show Ben to the spare room. Using the bathroom, I remove my make-up and brush my teeth. Back in my bedroom, I change into my PJs, which consists of an oversized t-shirt.
I haven’t checked my phone all night, so before I climb into my bed, I grab it from my clutch in the hallway. I’m sure Meghan will have texted me at some point to tell me how much she hates that she can’t come out with us and that pregnancy sucks. It’s usually followed up by a text rubbing in the fact that she gets a gorgeous baby out of it.
My phone vibrates in my hand, and as I look at the message displayed on my screen, my steps falter.
Sebastian
Did you get home okay?
I stare at the message for what feels like an hour, but is probably more like five minutes, debating whether to respond. On one hand, I’ve told him multiple times that I want nothing more to do with him. But on the other hand, I don’t want him to worry about me. Not that he would, but still. Letting out a sigh, I open his message and type out a response, deciding to keep it simple.
Alex
Yes.
There, short, to the point and doesn’t lead to more conversation.
I continue my short walk back to my bedroom, climbing into bed and turning off the bedside lamp. The cool sheets chill me, and so I burrow further into them. A heavy sigh leaves me as I remember I need to charge my phone.
Puffing up my pillows, I snuggle down under the duvet again, closing my eyes as I will sleep to take me over. My phone chimes on the bedside table, but I ignore it. A million thoughts run through my head in the two minutes before it chimes again, reminding me I have a new message.
I should leave it.
Nothing I said needed a response...
Dammit! Reaching out of my warm cocoon, I blindly grab for my phone.
Sebastian
I’m sorry if I ruined your night.
I’m at a loss as to what to say to that. He didn’t ruin my night, but he also didn’t make it a good one. I don’t like that he has so much control over my body. That he can command so much of my attention by just being in my vicinity. Every time I see him I become a puppet on a string, ready for him to command. He’s the only man that has ever had this effect on me.
Hell, this is how I want my future partner to make me feel. Like I can’t breathe when he’s near, yet when he’s gone, I crave his touch. Wanting to burrow myself into his soul and never leave.
I type out a response, hoping it will be harsh enough for him to understand that I meant everything I’ve said.
Alex
You didn’t. You were barely a blip. Goodbye, Sebastian. I suggest you lose my number.
Laying in the darkness, I vow to put Sebastian Worthington behind me. To protect myself, because if I get anymore entangled with this man, I know that I’ll end up falling in love with him.
