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FIVE
Sebastian
Ileft Passion not long after Alex. If I’d stayed, I would have just sat and stewed in my office, replaying the CCTV footage of her. After my second confrontation with her, I texted Tiffany to cancel our hook up. I’m in no mood for company, especially in the form of a bouncy, twenty-something year old.
I’ve never had this overwhelming need to... prove myself to someone. It should just be about fucking and satisfying my most basic needs. Instead, Alex brings out a feeling in me and I’m not entirely sure what it is.
Christ, what is happening to me?
My eyes roam over her message again.
Alex
You didn’t. You were barely a blip. Goodbye, Sebastian. I suggest you lose my number.
Rubbing my hand down my face, I rest my head back against the headboard of my bed. There’s no point in messaging her back. She has been more than clear about her feelings, and deep down I know I should stop whatever this is. Even if it means ignoring the cravings that she brings to the surface. If anything, Alex doesn’t seem bothered by what I’m feeling and instead hates me.
It angers me that she left with that guy. No, it doesn’t just anger me; it makes my chest feel tight and causes a sense of panic to rise within me. She doesn’t know him.
She doesn’t really know me.
Tomorrow will be a fresh start. All my life I’ve been able to switch off my emotions and feelings; this should be no different. I should be a pro at detaching myself from someone.
Putting my phone on the bedside table, I switch off the lamp and roll over to sleep.
* * *
My alarm blares at eleven on Wednesday, and as I push the covers away, I scrub a hand over my tired eyes. I haven’t had an ounce of sleep since I saw Alex in the early hours of Sunday. It’s been three days since our last interaction and she’s still filling my thoughts. My mind is a constant replay of the conversations we’ve had the last two times I’ve seen her.
Climbing out of the bed, my feet hit the cold hardwood floor as I make my way to the bathroom. I have a meeting at noon with Cooper that I need to get ready for. He’s agreed to help with the purchase of my new club in Chicago. I wasn’t overly impressed with the service I received from the firm I used to buy Passion, so my usual rule of not mixing business with pleasure has gone out of the window on this occasion.
Switching the shower on to warm up, I head back to the closet to grab something to wear. My apartment only has the bare necessities and people often comment on the show home vibe that it has. Cooper likes to joke that it’s even worse than his old place, but unlike him, I’m only renting, so I haven’t bothered to furnish the space. I won’t be in New York much longer, so it doesn’t seem necessary.
Showering in record time, I dress in a pair of navy-blue chinos, a white shirt, and a navy-blue blazer. A pair of tan derby shoes adorn my feet and I forgo a tie, leaving my shirt open at the collar. I’m aiming for some semblance of business wear for this meeting, but my usual outfit choice would consist of jeans and a t-shirt.
With the smallest amount of gel, I style my hair, slicking it back before spritzing on some cologne. My eyes look tired, and my lack of sleep is obvious, so I apply some moisturizer in the vain hope it will make me look less haggard.
With one last look in the bathroom mirror, I grab my phone, keys and wallet from the bedside table as I walk to the front door.
* * *
“Wow, you look… like crap,” Cooper greets, a smirk on his mouth as I walk into his office.
“Thanks. You look... well, actually, you look great,” I reply, unable to hide the jealousy in my tone.
Cooper chuckles, smoothing his hand down his tie as he sits back in his chair. “Thank you. What’s kept you up? Too many flavors of the day?”
I take a seat in front of his desk, lifting one leg to sit on the knee of the other as I gaze out of the window. “Not many. Just one,” I mumble, bringing my gaze back to him.
“Alex?”
I hate that he’s hit the nail on the head the first time. That he knows me so well. Until I met Damien Houston, Jamison Monroe, and Cooper, I’d been a lone wolf. It’s always been so much easier to keep people at a distance. I learned at a very young age, that you can’t rely on anyone. Even to this day, the people I would say I’m the ‘closest’ to don’t know everything about me. Especially my upbringing in England, and I prefer to keep it that way.
“Is it that obvious?” I ask, knowing full well it is that damn obvious.
“I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you because we don’t have that kind of relationship and I know you put honesty above all else. You’ve really fucked up if you want to be with her—”
I cut him off. “I don’t do relationships, Cooper. She’s just a good pussy, that’s all. I could walk out of here right now and find another woman that’s ready and willing.” I huff, unwilling to hear what he has to say.
