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She shakes her head and looks down at the wineglass in her lap. “I’d rather not talk about it, if that’s okay?”
“Of course. I totally get that.”
We sit in a comfortable silence for a while before I speak again. “More wine or shall we head to the restaurant?”
Savannah pulls away from me to push her glass onto the coffee table, and as she sucks in a deep breath, she runs her now empty hands down her thighs. “Let’s go.”
With a nod, I stand and carry the glasses into the kitchen, putting them in the sink to clean up later. Meeting Savannah by the door, I grab a light jacket, my purse and keys, ready to leave.
As we make our way to the restaurant, I replay our earlier conversation. I don’t like that Savannah didn’t feel comfortable enough to open up to me, but I guess that’s what I get for not opening up either.
It’s a two-way street, after all.
It’s on me to show her that she can confide in me and it’s this revelation that tells me I’m doing the right thing in coming clean today.
* * *
The cab pulls up outside of The Atrium. While I hand over the fare to the driver, Savannah steps out onto the sidewalk. My nerves have hit, and I’m in desperate need of some Dutch courage.
I have no doubt my friends will be supportive and non-judgmental. Even though on the ride over here I thought I was ready to tell them everything, now I’m not so sure I am. They all know to some extent that something has been going on between Sebastian and I, but I've always kept most of the details to myself in my poor attempt at self-preservation.
In a daze, I follow Savannah into the restaurant. I’m a step behind as she talks to the maître d', too up in my own head to engage in conversation. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to do this today, not with going away withhimand having to spend at least four whole days together. In a daze, I follow along behind as the host shows us to our table.
“Oh my God, it feels like forever since I last saw you,” Meghan squeals, practically leaping from her chair to body check me, bump and all. The action pulls me back into the moment.
A smile spreads across my mouth as she wraps her arms around me, and I can’t help but laugh at her excitement. “It’s literally only been a week.”
“A week too long. I used to see you every day and now it’s like I never see you,” she pouts as she pulls away and rubs at her bump. I swear it’s grown even more in just a week.
I brush a strand of her hair from her forehead before squeezing her shoulder. “Maybe you should have a word with that husband of yours and get him to give me more vacation days.” I wink.
Ben moves away from Savannah and pulls me into a hug as he addresses Meghan, “Hey, why are you hogging our girl?”
“I knew I should have never introduced the two of you,” Meghan huffs, turning away and greeting Savannah.
With my arms wrapped around Ben’s waist and my head tucked under his chin, I give him a final squeeze before taking a seat next to Meghan. Savannah sits opposite me, and Ben takes the seat on my other side. While I look over the menu, they talk amongst themselves.
It doesn’t take long for the waiter to return and take our orders. In what feels like a matter of minutes, he brings our drinks and I practically snatch my glass out of his hand as he lifts it from the tray and hands it to me. Taking a deep swig of my Negroni, I brace myself for what's to come.
Advice. I need advice, I remind myself. After Thursday, it’s become increasingly clear that I don’t have a handle on this situation.
At all.
“I had sex with Sebastian. Again. On Thursday,” I blurt out and the low murmur of chatter at our table dies down.
Three sets of eyes turn to me, and my gaze bounces from one familiar face to the next, looking for any kind of shock etched on them. None comes. Instead, three near identical ‘I told you so’ smirks grace the faces of my friends as they stare at me.
Ben takes a long pull of his drink through his straw, his gaze not leaving me even as he puts the glass back down on the table. “So.” He drags out the word, adding, “Was it good?”
I roll my eyes, huffing, “Of course it was, but that’s not the point or why I’m telling you guys.”
“In the nicest possible way, why are you telling us?” Savannah asks, a look of curiosity on her face.
My focus drops to the napkin in my lap as I fiddle with the coarse fabric. “I need some advice and… help.” I lift my gaze and look each of my friends in the eye before continuing, “I don’t want to keep sleeping with him, but I can’t seem to stop myself when he’s near. It’s like he’s got me under some kind of spell. One minute I’m telling him to get lost and the next I’m begging him to take me. I want to have more willpower when it comes to him because I don’t like this hold he seems to have over me.”
Savannah and Ben look at me with matching masks of sympathy filling their faces. When Meghan sniffs, my eyes dart over to her, finding tears welling in her moss green eyes.
I reach out my hand to take hers on top of the table, giving it a gentle squeeze. With concern lacing my words, I ask, “Why are you crying, Mama?”
