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“You've…” She hiccups as a tear slips free and falls down her cheek. “You’ve… been dickmatized.”
I truly love my best friend, but right now I can’t take her seriously. I belt out the laugh that bubbles its way up my throat. Savannah and Ben join in while Meghan wipes her cheeks with her napkin and we draw attention from the surrounding tables.
“It’s not funny being this hormonal, guys. Plus, I’m worried about my friend…” she trails off.
I hold my hands up as my laughter dies down. “I’m sorry, but dickmatized? Really?”
Meghan shrugs, looking away sheepishly.
“I mean, it’s actually a really good description for whatever the hell kind of spell he has on you,” Savannah pipes up. My head whips to her and one of her shoulders lifts in a carefree manner before she takes a sip of her drink.
Ben leans forward and rests his elbows on the table, balancing his chin on his closed fist. A look I can’t quite decipher fills his eyes. “Not to make it all serious again, especially after Meghan made the mood so much lighter, but what’s going on?”
Blowing out a breath, I start at the beginning. “There’s just something about him and I’m drawn to him like a magnet. It started at a Christmas party, nearly three years ago, when I was looking for Meghan.” My gaze flits to her before I look away. “I practically barged into his office. He checked the CCTV, I went to leave and literally fell into his lap. Next thing I know, he’s kissing me and one thing led to another.
“I didn’t think it would be anything more than that one time, but it’s like he’s crawled under my skin in the most deliciously infuriating way possible. Nearly every time I see him something ends up happening. And in the moment, I give myself up to the feelings he ignites. But when I’m alone, that’s when I start with the regrets.” I blow out a breath as I look at the faces of my friends.
Ben is the first to speak. “I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never experienced anything like that.”
“You slept with him the night of the Christmas party?” Meghan asks, a look of hurt on her face. “And you didn’t tell me?”
I open my mouth to say something, but Meghan holds up her hand, halting the words on my tongue. “Sorry, it doesn’t matter. You’re coming to us now. That’s the important thing.”
“Exactly,” Savannah soothes, drawing the attention of everyone at the table. “This is a very unique set of circumstances. What’s stopping you from letting him satisfy your needs and leaving it at that? You don’t need to make it into more.”
All eyes are now on me, and I don’t have an answer I want to voice. I drop my chin and straighten my cutlery as I think of a response. It would be a slippery slope, that’s why. Look what happened to Meghan and Cooper when they started hooking up; they ended up with their happily ever after, because people catch feelings, that’s why I don’t fuck around.
But you want that, right?
Not with him, he’s not the right man. At least, I don’tthinkhe is.
“It’s not as simple as that.” Ben fills the silence.
With a shake of my head, I lift my chin and say, “You’re right, it’s not as simple as that. With sex comes emotion, and I’m not immune to catching feelings. I’m not like him, I can’t just switch it off and feel nothing. Doing anything with him isn’t an option. Yes, I have to help him with this property purchase, but once that’s over, I can go back to having nothing to do with him. I think it will be for the best.”
“What about when Cooper and I want to do things with you both?” Meghan asks.
“Well, of course I would still be there.” I squeeze her hand to reassure her. “And I’ll be civil to him, but I’m going to be guarded, because at this point, I don’t want to keep being in this cycle. It’s not healthy.”
I suck in a deep breath as I prepare to drop the biggest of bombshells, because of their misconception of me being a free spirit when it comes to sex. On a shaky exhale, I say, “Despite trying to, I haven’t been able to have sex with anyone else but him.”
My gaze passes over each of their stunned faces. They’re well within their rights to be surprised, especially seeing as I’ve dated two guys in the nearly three years since Sebastian Worthington and I first slept together.
Savannah is the first to come around. “What do you mean you haven’t slept with anyone else?”
“Just that.” I shrug. “I’ve tried, but anytime I’ve tried to go beyond making out, I’ve clammed up and had to put a stop to it. It’s why Deacon and I broke up. He said I was being frigid, and he had needs that weren’t being met.”
“Well, you are just full of surprises today,” Meghan murmurs.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you all about this a lot sooner. I thought I could handle it myself, but I’m coming to you now, because I need your help. I’m going to be stuck with him for this assignment, and I need someone to break this spell he has me under.”
Even though I haven’t known him long, I’ve come to realize that Ben is a fountain of wisdom. He proves this yet again when he says, “Sometimes the best thing you can do is give yourself some space and time to be out of that person's orbit, and there’s nothing wrong with doing that. It’s okay to put yourself first, and I’m sure Cooper would understand if you stepped away from this assignment.”
My focus moves to Meghan looking for confirmation—he’s her husband after all and she used to work directly for him. Her response is a simple shrug of her shoulders.
Very helpful, Meghan.
“I know there is no shame in saying no and putting myself first, but this is my career, and I’m not going to let him have me stepping back from what could be an otherwise amazing opportunity.” With a shake of my head I continue. “No, I’m going to work on his case and make sure that whatever has happened between us in the past remains in the past. Once it’s over and done with, I’m going to be cordial with him and make sure I am never alone with him again. That’s when I seem to give in, so that should stop anything more from happening.”
