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So I leave the station, nodding to James on my way out, and go home to my mate.
Twenty-Five
Mason
“They saythat hindsight is twenty-twenty. But it’s not really. That’s a misleading fucking cliche. It could be, I guess. But it’s only twenty-twenty if you’ve got an honest, unbiased outlook on the past. Otherwise, you’re just making the same mistakes over and over again.” I look at Summer. Those big brown eyes I love so much–the ones that are usually staring back into mine with love and acceptance–are drilling holes into the wall. It wouldn’t surprise me if she didn’t even recognize my scent, much less realize I’m here talking to her.
When Doctor Tanner suggested only having one of our scents in here at a time so we didn’t overload her senses, a niggle of hope had wormed its way into my heart. Doctor Tanner is extremely accomplished in her field and has been working specifically with the passion pack drug for long enough to know her shit. If she was talking like we’d get our mate back, it must be true.
But it’s been two weeks of us taking turns with her, talking to her, and laying in the nest with her, and she hasn’t even looked any of us in the eye. Just as Doctor Tanner said, a nurse has been by to administer fluids every morning. She comes, changes the IV and vitamin bags, and leaves. But there hasn’t been any change.
At this point, I’m not even talkingto Summer.
It's more so like I’m expressing my thoughts out loud, just so she can hear my voice. Sort of like mothers talking to a baby in their belly. The baby isn’t going to remember anything she says, but maybe, just maybe, they remember the mother’s voice.
Maybe it soothes them.
“Hindsight… I thought a lot about that after they threw me to the curb. For you, I guess. My hindsight definitely wasn’t twenty-twenty. I circled the drain for months. Spiraling into depression, sinking deeper into it each day. Feeling like I was an unlovable beta. Something no pack would ever want. Not when they could have an omega instead. If my hindsight was twenty-twenty, I would have seen them dumping me for what it was. A fuckingblessing.A reprieve from the mountains of emotional abuse they buried me under. I wouldn’t have had any room for depression, because I would have been too busy thanking the Goddess for blessing me.” I take a breath and let it out. A hopeless sigh. With a glance down at my no longer red or injured knuckles, I wish I’d gotten another swing in.
“But then, it was a curse, too. Since it left you vulnerable to them. Goddess, Summer. What I wouldn’t give to have stopped them from ever crossing paths with you. Even if that meant never finding you myself. If I could stop them from getting their hands on you–the first timeandthis time–I’d do it. I’d be happy to never have had the pleasure of accepting your mate bond if it meant you were happy, loved, andsafethe way you deserve to be. Not this.” Tears burn my eyes while I swallow the painful lump in my throat. With gentle hands, I grab her face and turn her head up to look at me. Her eyes are level with mine, but she’s staring right through me.
“I hope you’re in there somewhere. I hope to the Goddess you can hear me. Please forgive me. For not being there for you. For not realizing sooner who had you. For not caring enough about them two years ago to make sure they weren’t abusing someone else. Please forgive me for not being enough.”
A tear escapes and falls down my cheek into my severely overgrown scruff. I drop my forehead to hers, just breathing in her muted scent. Fucking drugs. Taking away even that. Her usual warm gingerbread scent is masked by the pills Tanner is administering to try to counteract the toxic overload of the passion pack cocktail those pieces of shit gave my mate.
I place a chaste kiss on her lips, feeling the chapped texture of them, before pulling back. Just as I do, a small hit of honey spikes around us. My eyes jerk to Summer’s.
This is the first reaction of any kind I’ve noticed since we found her. “Hey, baby. Look at me.” My heart speeds up when her eyes focus on me. “That’s it, that’s perfect.” In less than ten seconds, they lose focus again. A breath stutters out of her, and she closes her eyes like the effort it took to focus on me exhausted her. Took what little energy she had and sucked it dry. But that’s okay…
A goofy smile stretches across my face as I bundle her in my arms and lay us back against the mountain of pillows so she’s sprawled across my chest.
It’s okay because shelooked at me.
* * *
“What the hell are you smiling for?” Hudson grumbles, annoyed at my joy as he climbs into the nest to take his shift. I get it. There hasn’t been a lot to smile about recently.
I shrug. “Just…hopeful.” My smile doesn’t falter even at his frown. With a little rock, I pull myself up and stand to leave. I don’t tell him what I saw. Mostly because I don’t want to take any of the excitement he’s going to feel when he notices she’s coming back around. But a little because he’s been a grumpy pain in my ass for weeks… Well, that and he let Nala shit in my room the other day and left it for me to clean up.
Jackass.
That dogstillhates me for not giving her a bite of my steak that first night.
Whispered voices come from the living room, so I follow the noise to see Maverick and Brooklyn leaning against one of the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the backyard. They’re staring out at the grassy field and talking quietly enough that I can’t hear what they’re saying. Based on their relaxed body language though, it isn’t something that’s going to raise my blood pressure.
“Ava’s been calling nonstop, asking to see her,” Brooklyn says in the same low tone. Everyone’s walking around this house whispering like we’ve just buried Summer, rather than her simply existing in the other room.
Not me. Not anymore.
She’s coming back.
“Let her.” I shrug, talking at a normal volume.
“What? She’s not ready for that.” Brooklyn argues, crossing her arms with a frown, turning her body more so she’s facing me. With a glance at Mav, I can see he’s conflicted. He doesn’t want to disagree with me, but he’s on the same wavelength as Brooklyn on this.
“Tanner said to keep things as normal for her as we can. Normal is her best friend. She may not be up to playing fetch with Nala, but she can sit in the same room as her friend. Let her come.”
* * *
