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Zee had assumed it was because Ishir was too scared to get with them. Had tried to help Ishir. Had given him advice, tried to wingman him.
It became too much after a particularly wild night out after an away-game win. Ishir had pinned Zee against a wall, growling in his face.
“I don’t want an Omega, Zee. Fuck. I’m into Alphas, okay? Just shut the fuck up.”
It wasn’t usual that Ishir lost his cool, but he’d been sick of Zeepushinghim.
Zee had been stunned. Wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Ishir had felt the anger drain away, replaced by fear.
“Oh. Shit, dude, my bad. That explains a lot, actually,” Zee had said. Had taken it in stride like he did everything else.
Even after Zee’s easy acceptance, Ishir had waited for the awkwardness to come. For Zee to stop touching him as much. To beg off hanging out, to slowly drift away from Ishir until they were little more than teammates.
A small, sick part of Ishir had almost hoped it’d happen. That Zee would give Ishir an excuse to finally break away, to escape the longing, the loneliness of loving someone that would never return his feelings.
It was a stupid thing to think—Zee’s friendship was worth more than all of Ishir’s desire.
The awkwardness had never arrived, and they’d never drifted apart—but their friendshiphadchanged over the years.
Back when Ishir was a teenager, he’d learnt how to want without having. It’d built callouses over the parts of him that yearned, making it easier not to think about what it would be like if Zee was gay or bi. If there was even a chance of something more between them.
The four years since the draft had softened him up again, though. Every summer, the heat of his love for Zee would melt his defences away, and he’d let himself be stuck to his side, soaking his presence in.
It left him absurdly defenceless in this new world where Ishir was suddenly living with Zee. He’d have to relearn not to listen to the kick in his gut when Zee kissed his forehead playfully or when he stepped out of his room in the morning, hair dishevelled and smile sleepy.
It would be an aching kind of torture, having him so close, but Ishir knew he’d learn how to live with that, too. Would numb himself to the feeling of having Zee so close without being able to touch.
It’d be worth it just to have Zee with him. This was a type of hunger Ishir knew how not to feed.
**********
It hadn’t been disappointing when Ishir and Zee were drafted to different teams. They’d both gone in the first round, which was accomplishment enough. Nobody who bonded during minors ended up together in the big leagues. It just didn’t happen.
Still, Ishir couldn’t deny he’d been a little scared. He was fully aware he’d used Zee as a crutch for years. In the end, it had been an opportunity to finally grow up and be his own person.
And he’d managed it. Sure, they spent their summers together, but Ishir had carved a place for himself on the Brooklyn Cats. It probably helped that Orion was a great captain, building a locker room devoid of the toxic Alpha bullshit that made it worrying to be gay. Or, probably, to be an Omega like Orion had been outed to be.
Ishir had gotten close to his defence partner, Leo “Bergy” Berglund. It wasn’t like with Zee, obviously—no relationship in his life would compare to his friendship with Zee—but it was good.
Ishir had made a life in New York without Zee, so he’d been a little thrown off by suddenly having his best friend in the Cats’ locker room.
Bergy came up to Ishir from behind as he and Zee entered the room, slinging a huge arm over his shoulders. “Well, look who it is. You’ve beenignoringme,” he accused loudly.
Some of the other guys turned around. Nils “Ollie” Olsson, one of the other Swedish players, rolled his eyes. “He’s been whining without stop.”
Ollie’s centreman, Elly, piped up. “Non-stop. The saying isnon-stop.”
Ollie replied something rude-sounding in Swedish. It made Bergy snort in Ishir’s ear. “I have been very sad.”
“We’ve literally been texting every day,” Ishir protested, a smile wide on his face.
“Not enough.” Bergy smacked a sloppy kiss on his cheek.
Ishir laughed, but the sound dimmed as he spotted Zee staring at them with a weird expression on his face. “Oh, hey. Guys. Uh, this is Zee.”
The room’s attention immediately focused on Zee, welcoming him in. Orion was the first to slap him on the back even though he’d done the captainly duty and had dinner with him a few nights ago.
Ishir let himself be pulled into the throng, too. He played on the second line along with Ollie, Elly, and Korpi, all of them pretty close. He said hi to Petey, the starting goalie, as well as Willy, his backup.
