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“Okay. Well, I know what it’s like to keep a similar kind of secret, obviously. So, seriously, thanks for telling me. You interested in telling more people? No pressure, I’m just wondering.”
“I dunno. I don’t wanna comeoutout, you know? And the more people I tell, the higher the chances it’ll come out.”
“I get the concern, but…I’m going to wager there’s a reason you’re tellingme. And we’ve got some good guys in the room. I’m not saying put an ad out, but…it can be really fucking liberating toknowthe people on your team accept you for who you are,” Orion stated, voice deep and sure.
Ishir nodded jerkily. Orion had hit the nail on the head—he wanted to stop speculating. To stop second-guessing his teammates. To stop having to sneak around, or laugh if one of them pointed out a hot Omega for him to wheel. It could be so fucking exhausting, pretending. It ate away at him slowly, bite by bite, and he was scared there’d be nothing left of him one day.
Orion leaned forwards, putting his elbows on the table. “Like I said, I’m not gonna push you to do anything. But if there’s anybody else you feel safe telling, I can be there with you. Just for some moral support.”
“Thanks, Cap. I…let me think about it.”
“’Course. No rush.”
Ishir smiled, something warm blooming in his chest.
Maybe he could do this. Be himself, even if just with the people closest to him.
Surely, that wasn’t too much to ask.
**********
“So I, uh…I told Orion I’m gay.”
Zee glanced at him, visibly startled. They were in the car on the way to practice. Ishir wasn’t sure why he’d picked that setting—maybe it felt safer knowing the conversation had a time limit. “When?”
“Yesterday.”
“Oh. I had no idea you were thinking about telling him. That’s great, though,” Zee enthused.
“Thanks.”
“Did anything happen? To make you wanna tell him, I mean.”
Ishir fiddled with his fingers. The truth was that this whole thing with Zee had made him want to open up. It felt like they were play-acting at something. That Ishir had to constantly contain himself, press himself down into an acceptable shape. He was afraid that scars would be left where he had to cut bits off himself.
He’d needed to release that tension somehow, and confessing to Orion had seemed the way.
He couldn’t say that, though.
“It was just time. With what happened with Orion last year and how accepting everybody was…”
“So you’re gonna tell more people?” Zee sounded happy about the idea, which assuaged the fear that he’d be pissed that it would draw suspicion on his own sexuality.
“Maybe. I don’t know. Orion mentioned he’d support me if I wanted to.”
“I can too. I can totally be there if you wanted,” Zee said quickly.
Ishir smiled. “Yeah. I know. Thanks.”
Whatever else was happening between them, they were still friends. It was good to remember that.
Ishir had assumed that any sexual contact between them would be caused by him. Because he needed to get fucked, or because he got a goal. Ishir was the gay one. The cause of it all.
The next time something happened between them, though, it was all Zee.
Zee had been jittery all evening. It’d been a few days since Ishir had come out to Orion, and things had been good. He’d been warming up to the idea of telling more people and as nervous as that made him, it settled something in him, too.
Zee appeared to be in a good mood now that he was playing, but that night, it was as if he were back to being confined to the apartment, twitchy and distractable, flipping from watching a series, to a movie, to another series, to a game, to logging into YouTube on the Roku.
