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Maddox sighed, bringing his knees up. “I’m so fucking in this thing, Devon, that it scares the shit out of me.” He looked at the sunset, but I sensed his vulnerability, so I looked there, too. “It felt like I was losing you over the past few months, and it fucked me up. I thought you were pushing me away, and I… you’re it for me, okay? I know you get all jealous and shit, but I don’t understand what I’ve ever done to make you insecure about our relationship. I don’t even see other people.”
I glanced at him, wanting to butt in. I held my tongue and let him go on because I needed to hear it.
“I just want you in all the ways. But when you never come home, I sit there like a pathetic, love-struck fool who waits and waits and waits for you, but you never show up. It hurts. I hate that it hurts, but it does. It scared me, Devon. It scared me because I thought you didn’t love me anymore.”
Fuck.Fuck!I did that to him? I made him doubt my love for him? I was officially the shittiest person alive. Maddox was the one and only thing I cared enough about to try harder for, but my attempts at trying were an epic failure. All I accomplished was hurting him and scaring him.I scared Maddox Kane.
“Holy shit, Maddox,” I sighed in shame. “I’m so fucking sorry.” I turned my body to face him, but he kept his eyes on the sunset. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I love you, and I’m sorry you doubted me. How do I make this right?”
Maddox rubbed the back of his neck and relaxed a bit. Looking at me with honest eyes, he said, “We moved in together after only a few months. It’s gonna take us time to figure each other out.”
“Yeah, but not like this. Not after a year.”
“A year of starting a new business, changing our living arrangements, and worrying about your dad.”
“I don’t care. I don’t want you to worry about us. We have enough shit to worry about, and I want this relationship to be the thing you can always count on. I want to be the thing you can count on. I hate that I made you second guess it all.”
“So, you aren’t looking for a way out?” he asked, eyes shy.
“Fuck no. Never. I’ll kill you if you ever try to leave me. I never want to lose you. It… it broke me when you walked out on Friday night.” I reached over and grabbed his hand. “And I know that was my fault. I get why you did it, but I don’t want that to happen again.”
He gripped my hand harder. “It’s not all you. I suck at saying shit, and you suck at listening.” He laughed a bit. “Like come on, we had to start a fight just to get to this point.”
I grinned at that. “Yeah, but we got here. Are you okay?”
He nodded, linking our fingers. Sand scratched between our palms, but I liked the grit of it. Gritty like our love. “Not to sound like a broken record, but I missed you, Devon. I miss when we used to fuck around all the time or when we’d get up to shit that wasn’t work or taking care of our moms. I mean, I know life changes and all, but I miss when you were always up for a challenge. This.” He motioned to the beach where we just fought. “This felt like the old us. I missed it.”
He had a damn point. Yeah, we’d been trying to have a conversation, but the fight that got us here was the shit we used to live for. Thrive on. I got so consumed in trying to do better that I forgot how to measure up to him. I forgot to challenge him back. No wonder we were out of sorts.
Might as well get back to that. Immediately.
“Can I ask you to do something with me that’s going to piss you off, but you’ll do it anyway?” I asked.
Maddox laughed. “You’re so fucking backwards.”
I smirked. “Will you tail my dad with me?”
He ground his teeth together. “Why?”
“Because I’m stupid. Because I know I’m not letting him back in, but there’s a part of me I can’t ignore, and it’s telling me to keep an eye on him. I just wanna watch him for a bit to make sure he isn’t…” What? Coming after us? Plotting something? Suffering? Going after Nate? All of the above?
“You’re so dumb, Devon,” Maddox groaned. “I’ll do it with you because if I say no, you’ll do it anyway and fuck it up even worse.” He stood up, pulling me with him. “We good?”
“We’re good. I love you.”
“Love you. Fresh start?”
“No. Don’t erase our start. Just a new chapter, yeah?”
His eyes got shy again, but he nodded.
I nodded. Sorted.
“I’m going to swim, and then you’re going to suck my dick while I make your useless ass dinner.”
I really was useless in the kitchen, so that was a fair trade. “Deal.”
He leaned over and kissed my lips. Then he shoved me so hard I tripped over my feet and landed right on my back, getting another mouthful of sand.
