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“Xavi, enough!” Nate barked.
“He’s dying in there because ofyou!” Xavi spat at me.
I took it. I took the blame because it didn’t belong anywhere else. “I know! I fucking know that!” And I’d never forget it. If Maddox lived or died, I’d forever hold this against myself.
Nate pushed me onto a chair, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I buried my head in my hands and cried harder than I ever had before. I’d die with him if he chose to leave this world. I couldn’t live without him, anyway, so there was no point in staying. Maddox had always been the strongest person I knew, and somehow, he’d fight his way through this and tell death to fuck off. I believed in him even if I didn't believe in myself.
“He better not fucking die,” Xavi shouted through his tears, kneeling in front of me. He hugged me, pulling me against his chest. “I’m sorry, Dev. I’m just scared. I’m sorry.” He wiped my tears and held my face. “It’s your dad’s fault. Not yours. I’m sorry.”
Nate wrapped us both up, and I wasn’t strong enough to turn away from their comfort. Seth and Naomi sat across from us, crying their own tears. All these tears, caused by me.
I cried myself numb. It wasn’t that numbness that came with a feeling of nothing, though. It was a numbness that prevented me from feeling anything other than the constant state of agony I was in. It kept me here as its prisoner, numbing me to relief, but I knew it was what I deserved. Three more hours of waiting, waiting, waiting for an update, and I stayed numb.
Come on, you strong-willed motherfucker. Don’t you dare give up.
Just when I’d about hit my limit on waiting, the doors pushed open and Maddox’s surgeon walked through. We all stood, our legs unsteady.
“Maddox made it through surgery.”
I fell. Collapsed. Crumpled under the weight of relief and gratitude. Nate and Seth put their hands on me, but my eyes stayed on the surgeon.
“It’ll be a bit before he wakes up, but when he does, you can see him in pairs for now. We don’t want to overwhelm him. The bullet tore through his kidney and damaged his liver a bit, so he lost a fair amount of blood, but we’re confident he’ll make a full recovery. We’ve repaired what we can, and now we’ll see how he heals. He’s looking good.”
He’s looking good.
Thank fucking fuck. Xavi and Nate wrapped their arms around me, hugging me right there on the floor of the waiting room. I was relieved beyond relief, but scared. Scared something might go wrong. Mostly, just scared of having to face him. To apologize. To make up for what I’d done and maybe not have him accept my apology.
Sometime later, we all looked up as a nurse came out. “Is one of you named,” the nurse paused, clearing her throat and looking uncomfortable, “Devon effing Sawyer?” Everyone looked at me. “He’s asking for you. He asked me, no, hetoldme to bring you back and to tell you not to cry like a little… well, you know what he said.”
A nervous burst of laughter escaped my lips. It chewed away at some of my nerves and warmed me up. Such a Maddox thing to say. Everyone laughed, even Seth, and I gave them all a look, knowing I didn’t deserve to get to see him first.
Maddox was alive.
Alive.
Alive.
Was he still mine?
18
-Maddox-
Despitethediresituation,I’d never been happier. Loopier, maybe. Drugs were good, and I wondered why I didn’t partake in them more often. I pumped the drug dispenser a thousand times, staring at the door. Devon was alive, and that little nurse went to fetch that fucker for me. Couldn’t wait to show him my morphine pump. So cool!
Come on, dumbass. Get in here and don’t be a guilty prick,I thought, laughing at that.
“He’s just in here. I’ll give you some time.” Voices. Outside my door. I pumped the thing again, still staring, straining my eyes to see him. Blue eyes. Blond-ish hair.Wish I could see his shitty skull tattoo.Trailer trash in its finest form.
As soon as I saw his body move, my bubbly mood dipped into the gutter, replaced by nerves. I tried to sit up, but I couldn’t move. And then my sexy as fuck, red-eyed, completely disgusting and dishevelled boyfriend appeared in the doorway, all broken and shit. There was relief and love in his eyes, but stronger than that was shame and failure. Tears dripped down his cheeks and his hands wrung together in front of his stomach while his chest heaved too fast. I had a moment of panic at the sight of blood all over him until I remembered it was mine.
“Lock it down,” I growled at him groggily. “Lock that shit down, Devon.”
He swallowed his tears, nodding.
“Come here.” In my head, my voice came out dominating as fuck. Reality laughed at the raspy weakness of my vocal cords, but fuck her.
“Madd, I’m so sorry.”
