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“I looked!” he shrieked, standing, knocking his chair over, throwing his arms to the high heavens. “I looked, Madd. I watched. Iadmired!Oh, good god, I looked.” His panicked eyes begged me to talk him off this ledge. “I think what I’m trying to say is…” he fumbled, so I said it for him.

“You checked him out and got a hard dick from it.”

He slapped both hands over his face and groaned like he was dying. “Yes.”

“Don’t go there. Don’t do it, man. Bad idea. He’s your best friend and friendships don’t survive this shit unless it’s mutual. I mean, I know you two have a solid friendship, but are you sure it could survive if you crossed that line?”

“No, I’m not sure, and I’m not even fucking sure why I looked and didn’t stop looking.”

“Wait, that’s all that happened? You just had a threesome and got a little caught up in watching him?”

“Yeah.”

“That doesn’t make you a dab gay. That’s just a sexy situation.” I shrugged, hoping this bullshit conversation would end.

“It’s the shit that went through my head, Madd.”

“If you tell me you wanna start sucking a Sawyer dick, I’ll deck you. You two are supposed to be besties, not the handies and blowies type. No.”

His embarrassment was evident, but his dramatics were worse. “There was a flash of an image of that chick just vanishing and me and Nate being all… yeah, it’s probably a bad idea, right? It’s totally a bad idea,” he answered himself. “Am I a sliding scale gay?”

“You’re a fuckwit.” I handed him a beer to shut him up. “Sit down and stop being a diva.”

He righted his chair and fell into it, snatching the beer from my grip. “I can be a diva all I want. This shit came out of nowhere. It’s role reversal from last year. Now I’m wondering if I should fight Nate to see whose dick trips up whose ass.” He drank the whole can and tossed it at me. “Fucking Sawyers.”

“Crack for our dicks,” I agreed.

“Yeah, but we don’t get addicted until later in life. The universe set up our stories to fuck with us until at least twenty-five and then we progress to level ten and have to battle our way out of it.”

“I was twenty-five when I fucked my Sawyer, so I’m clearly more badass than you.”

“Won’t argue that,” he laughed. “I’m not fucking him. Won’t. He’s pissed at me because I’m being weird, and I’m over here like, what? Sorry I got hard and imagined your mouth on my cock. God.”

I grinned at the rain. “He’s the one you were talking about before when you asked me how I felt about Devon?”

“No. Her. I like her because of who she is, but I think I like her more because Nate is in there, too.” He shrugged. “And I hate that my mind sometimes wants to cut her out of the picture, so obviously, my feelings have changed. Fuuuck,” he groaned again, tilting his head back. “I had a good thing with her and he fucked it up.”

“You fucked it up,” I laughed. “Just be careful, Xav. If you two screw up your friendship, the apocalypse might happen.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Xavi snipped at me. “When they get back from the hospital, you want us to lock you and Dev at the gravel pits again? Might be the only way to get some time to yourselves.”

That didn’t sound half bad, but my mouth said something different. “How the fuck do you marry a guy?”

My brother snapped his head in my direction. “Uh, pretty sure the same way anyone gets married.”

“Yeah, but do I have to propose? Does he propose? Does there have to be a proposal?”

“Yes,” Xavi scoffed. “And warn me about it so I can video that shit. Either of you can propose, and now that I’ve said that, I feel like you’re going to turn it into a race. You honestly thinking about marriage, Madd?”

Oh, I was thinking about it. I didn’t want some fancy ass wedding or any of that shit, but I wanted Devon to be mine in all the ways I could have him. I wanted to tie us together for life, even if they were shackles.

“Hey, Madd?”

I looked at my brother.

“Promise me something. Promise me that no matter what happens with Jim, you won’t put yourself on the line again. I can’t lose you, man.”

I nodded to promise. I’d do whatever it took to protect Devon from his dad, but I had no intention of messing up my own life in the process. “I just want this shit to be over so we can all move on to our boring ass lives where we fight and struggle and have a good time. That’s all I want.”

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