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I took my first step towards whatever future awaited me on the other side of this verdict.
31
-Maddox-
Darkness.
I was consumed by it, emitting it, living in it. My mind had gone dark, my soul blackened, my hope clouded by despair and desolation, and my heart inked over with anger and hatred. The tiny speck of light tethering me to this reality was Devon. His bright blue eyes and his blond hair, holding me here so darkness couldn’t completely carry me away just yet.
Guided by two guards into the courtroom, my stomach churned with nerves and my mind ran through every possible outcome. There were only two immediate ones, but they led to vastly different futures.
If deemed guilty, I’d go back to prison to live out whatever sentence they gave me for my crime of possession with the intent to distribute over half a million dollars worth of illegal contraband. From there, I’d lose my life, my love, and myself. I’d shut him out, turn myself off, and wither into a man who never knew love again, becoming a shell of the person I used to be.
If proven innocent, I’d get to go home to my home—to Devon. I’d get a chance to fight for the life I wanted. I’d get the opportunity to hold the man I loved with all my force while making promises to myself to never lose him again. I’d get Devon… forever. We’d still have to deal with the fallout of the trial and his dad, but we’d be able to do it together. If I made it out of here today, I’d marry him the first chance I got.
But… darkness. It crowded in on me from everywhere. Even as I sat down beside my lawyers with the jury and judge in place, ready to fate my life, that darkness blotted out my hope. I refused to get too hopeful, too excited. False hope could be the demise of my life, and I didn’t want to get ahead of myself.
I looked behind me. Devon looked absolutely wrecked and absolutely beautiful. He breathed too hard, sweat too much, and kept tugging on the collar of his suit like it was choking him. When he met my eyes, he settled somewhat, but not by much. He looked on the verge of either passing out, throwing up, bombing the place, or crying. I smiled at him, trying to calm him down even more so he didn’t die of a heart attack before the verdict could be read.
He smiled back, his blue eyes full of all that hope I tried not to feel. There he was, my light amid the darkness, beaming blue at me in the middle of all this doom and gloom. I held on to that speck of light as I turned to face the judge.
“Maddox Kane, you are being tried in a court of law. Two separate charges await sentencing. The first charge, possession of illegal contraband equalling a sum of over six-hundred-thousand dollars. You have pleaded not guilty.”
My chest tightened, but I made my head rise, acting more confident than I felt.
“For the charge of intent to distribute illegal contraband equalling a sum of over six-hundred-thousand dollars, you pleaded not guilty.”
I swallowed.
My mouth salivated and my throat dried. The time had come. My body shook violently, my hands barely able to stay still at my sides.
To the jury, the judge asked, “On the first charge, count of possession, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?”
My pulse quickened. My head got light. I closed my eyes, listening to fate.
“Not guilty.”
A breath wobbled out of me, and Devon sobbed behind me.
“On the second charge, intent to distribute, do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?”
My life flashed before my eyes. Every memory I had of Devon swam behind my closed lids, pulling forward an array of emotions that were too vast and too powerful for one moment’s attention. Memories switched to hopes and dreams. Dreams of marrying the man I love. Hopes of building a shitty but perfect life with him. The gift of sleeping in the same bed, watching him eat my mom’s casseroles, challenges and fights and bickering until we laughed it off or doused the flames with sex. The smiling, meddling faces of our brothers as they planned every detail of a wedding we never asked them to plan, and their complete disrespect of our wishes when we told them not to. A dream. A life. A future with Devon.
My lungs seized when the juror opened their mouth. I squeezed my eyes closed tighter, unable to watch the moment that would make or break me. My hands balled into sweat-slicked fists, my nails cut into my palms, and my feet went numb as my legs threatened to give out.
That darkness circled, creeping in, reminding me I wasn’t worthy of many favours in life. Showing me that guys like me, we didn’t get to hope and dream like normal people.
Breathe.
Darkness.
Breathe.
Darkness.
Breathe.
“Not guilty.”
