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Well, Maddox wouldn’t have that. He pinned my legs, spreading them so wide it hurt, and he used my body as leverage to fuck me exactly how I wanted him to. The glide of his dick in my ass felt good simply because it felt intimate. The dominance he radiated and the flare of aggressive passion in the green of his eyes heightened the whole mood.
“More,” I begged, unashamed. “Deeper.”
The thing I loved about Maddox was that he knew the difference between deeper and faster. He kept the same pace, but the slap of his thighs on my ass increased, and the depth at which he fucked me rocked me on the bed. When he leaned forward, bringing my legs with him, I moaned. Unhinged, basically folded in half, and being fucked senseless by my man, I let my eyes close tofeeleverything.
His breaths on my neck as a harsh caress.
His fingers digging into my skin possessively.
His chest heaving against mine, our heartbeats as erratic and wild as our type of love.
His hips punching into me, thrusting with all the force of our energy combined.
This. This was what I thrived on. Our bodies doing what they did best, competing in a race to the finish line that we both slowed down for so we could enjoy the ride. This wasn’t hard and fast; it was a deep and melodious trip back to ourselves.
“Goddammit, Devon,” Maddox’s gritty voice snapped my eyes open. “How the fuck did we go four months without this?”
By force. I inhaled pleasure and exhaled tension with each thrust, feeling the depth of him buried so deep in my ass, dragging against that perfect spot with each stroke of his thick cock. “Never again,” I promised.
Hesitations slipped away pretty fast, but I wouldn’t say we fell into old patterns because this was something new. Our connection had changed, and with that change came a new understanding, a respect, and a level of love and acceptance that hadn’t fully been there before. We lived through our own hell, and we fucking made it.
Maybe this was what it felt like to get out from under the shadow and live in the light.
Sweating and panting like a criminal, Maddox’s fingers wrapped around my jaw. Eyes connected and breaths mingling, he demanded me to come with nothing more than his energy. Adjusting his hips, he slowed his pace, fucked me deep and slow at the perfect angle, and barely held himself up as pleasure flooded him. It did me in. All of it. The whole fucking experience. Him coming in my ass, his cock stilling, his breath catching, and his fingers tightening on my jaw. A switch flipped inside me and my brain shut off to make room for pure euphoria.
When the sun came up, Maddox fucked me harder. By mid-morning, my ass was so sore he blew me until I came down his throat. To even the score and get a selfish taste of him, I jerked him off until he came a third time, and then I licked it off his abs and swallowed it like it was that wine in churches. Wasn’t religious. Didn’t know the term.
Then we talked. Forever.
“My hope fucking died, Devon,” he said. “It killed me to be in there. I… I went dark.”
I saw it. I saw that darkness inside him. He’d always had a bit of it, but it was more prominent now, lingering closer to the surface like he was afraid to let it go. It protected him, and anything that made him feel safer was okay in my books. I’d always be there to pull him back to the light.
“I saw it sitting there,” I told him about the night of my overdose. “The bottle. Full and promising a bit of relief, even if I knew I’d regret it. I… I just got in this frame of mind where I regretted everything else that had happened, so why not one more thing?” I looked at him and saw only understanding.
“But it wasn’t enough?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Xavi said you took pills from my mom.”
I looked away in shame, but Maddox forced my face back to his. “It wasn’t enough,” I agreed, admitting the truth. “I didn’t want to die or anything. I just… needed to be numb, even for a fucking minute. I know it makes me weak.”
“It doesn’t.”
“It does, Madd. I think if you had been found guilty, I… I would have done something worse.”
He leaned over then, pressing his lips to mine and his hand to my heart. “I’m fucking here, Devon.” I didn’t know if he meant physically or if he meant in my heart, but it didn’t matter. He was both. “And I’m not going anywhere. I love you.”
That confession felt more powerful than the rest. “I love you. And whenever you need to get dark, just… don’t hide it from me. I can take it.”
“I know you can,” he said, kissing me again.
They said love consumes you. I used to think that was a load of bullshit. The way Maddox’s love consumed me was anything but healthy, and I’d never felt more safe in something. We found something together that no one would understand. How could you love someone so wholly and want to beat on them as a form of connection? It didn’t make sense, but it made all the sense. I didn't want to hurt him, and he didn’t want to hurt me, but we’d always done our best communicating with physical acts, and I didn’t see that changing for us anytime soon. We got each other, which meant no one else needed to get us. It was none of their damn business.
We had that kind of love most people pined for, and I’d never, fucking ever, take it for granted. Our souls were bared, our truths were out in the open, and our slate had been reset. Not clean, but fresh.
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