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I hadn’t thought about that. I had just been worried about getting here and convincing her that we were going to be together. Nothing else had been decided. I wanted her and couldn’t wait any more to have her in my arms. Now that she had been in my arms and underneath me in bed, I knew that I couldn’t leave. I had to get back to work and my duties, but I couldn’t fathom any of that without her. There was no option for me to do anything else but fall for her and take her back home to love forever. I wanted to cave-man style drag her home with me, but I knew that it wasn’t going to be that easy. She had a life here and I had to convince her that one with me was better.
“I don’t know about all that, Jesse. We are just spending time together, that’s it.”
“Are you afraid to bring her back here so that we can meet her? Is there something wrong with her or is there something wrong with us?”
I immediately told him that it was them, but he didn’t take it to heart. I did mean it though. It wasn’t Amber that I was afraid for her to meet others. I’d love to show her off, let everyone know that would listen that Amber was mine. She had wrapped herself around my heart and I didn’t think she was going to let me go.
Then, I thought about Jerome and knew that I was going to have to come back and go to the funeral. He lived about an hour away and I worried that I wouldn’t be able to get back in time. I found out when the funeral was and when I got off the phone with Jesse, I didn’t know how I felt. He was messing with me about Amber, but it was Jerome that held my attention. I didn’t know what was going on, who would do such a thing to his family, to him. I knew that Jerome wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot, but from what Jesse described, he didn’t deserve that.
I contacted a few more people, transferred money into one of my accounts and called Jerome’s brother. His brother had served in the military with us, and they’d been close. I knew that I would be able to get some real information, because curiosity was killing me this time. I didn’t know why, but I had a bad feeling and I guess I was hoping that Freddy would give me something to hold onto. He didn’t though. It was an open investigation; they had no leads and he wanted to know if I knew of any of his brother’s enemies. I tried to tell him that Jerome didn’t have any, and he shut me down before I could get it out.
“Look, Frank, I loved my brother, but you know what? I knew him too. I knew how he was, what he was capable of. Did he do something that you know of, that would make someone do this to his family and him?” The brother implored me to answer the questions that everyone had running through their minds. Jerome was a vicious man on occasion, and I knew that. He’d been on my side most of the time, so we had worked things out. I had seen him do some things that haunted me though, and I am not going to say that I thought he deserved it, no one did, but he wasn’t innocent either. Just thinking that bothered me. I didn’t want to think ill of my friend that was now dead.
“I don’t know, Freddy; you know how it goes. We have all done things that could get someone after us. I don’t think that Jerome did more than anyone else.”
Freddy didn’t believe me, and I think he got the hint that I wasn’t going to go down that road with him. He was right, his brother was the sort that could do bad things and think less about it than a person would hope. I knew that Jerome was capable of some wild things, but I also knew that he was one of the best people to have my back. I had to go to the funeral. I owed him my life several times over.
We talked about the funeral and when it was going to be. It was going to be a week away. There were four of them to clean up and it was going to take some time. I agreed that I would be there, and I told him I was sorry one more time. I just knew that I was going to dream about him tonight and that would likely be nightmares. I knew too much and some things I wish I didn’t know.
I checked out the town while I was getting my head around some things. I didn’t know if I should stay or go back now. I wanted to stay, but something was calling me back home. I told Jesse that I had a bad feeling about it all, and he told me not to worry about it. Jerome was dead, so there was no one to worry about. It was dark to think like that, but I guess Jesse was right.
When I got back to Amber’s place, she was back, and she almost made me forget about Jerome and how my afternoon had been. Amber was relaxed and said she’d had a good day. I had reciprocated the question with a similar answer, but Amber wanted to know what was wrong. Apparently, she could read it all over my face and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer when she asked about it.
So, I told her. I told her about the bad dream, enough for her to know that Jerome was in it, and it had been an omen. I didn’t believe in all the mystical things in the world, but I did believe in the unknown. There was a lot that I had seen in my time in the service that was unexplained, and I did believe in something. I didn’t know if it was divine intervention or what, but I was warned and I felt like that warning extended to more, I just didn’t know what. Was this just my own fear of being taken to task for what I’d done, paying for my crimes, or was this something else? Either way, having Amber in my arms was the only balm on my soul that I needed. It felt like if someone like Amber could love me and think me worthy, then I had to be good enough. Amber was my benchmark.
9
Amber
Things with Frank were moving along quickly, and I honestly wasn’t sure how to feel about any of it. I knew that we had history, which made our relationship leap forward, but to go from writing to someone, to living with them, it was a big jump. I loved how close we were getting to each other, but I worried about it as well. I didn’t know what was supposed to happen between us, just that we were hurtling toward something.
It had only been a couple of weeks since Frank came to visit and stay with me. He was supposed to go back after two weeks, but he decided to stay longer and that’s what I wanted as well. I had fallen for him before he even came, so I think I would always want him near. It was just a big adjustment. I’d never been in a relationship that was living together and such. It was a different beast all together and Frank had a lot of secrets. I would have thought as much as we wrote back and forth to each other that there wouldn’t be anything left to not know, but that was not the case at all. Frank had a lot that he was keeping from me. It was also quite clear, but I wasn’t too worried about it because I hadn’t gone as far as to ask what he was keeping from me. Did I like the mystery?
I was out getting some groceries for a few dinners, and I swear it felt like I was being watched. It was this feeling that I couldn’t shake. I looked around, sure that I was going to find the culprit that made me feel off, but I didn’t. Everyone looked normal. I got a few smiles as I looked around, but no one was staring at me. For some reason, every hair on the back of my neck was standing up. There was something going on.
Since I was only half-way through my list, I had to go through much of the store still. I got the feeling when I was in the produce aisle. That part of the store was up in the front by the doors. I found that I didn’t want to leave that area, like it was a haven or something. It likely wasn’t. I was likely going to find that it was just the same in the back of the store, but something in me didn’t want to go back there. If I had gone with my senses and gut, I would have turned around right there, let go of my cart, and just left the place. I didn’t want to do that though. I didn’t want to let the feeling take control. I was just being silly. That’s what it was.
Shaking the feeling the best that I could, I went to the back of the store, the feeling of being watched and followed intensified, but nothing happened. I got my groceries, paid for them, and got them into my car, without anything happening at all. It made me feel silly, like I was losing it. It wasn’t something that I was going to mention to Frank. He would think that I was crazy.
Ashley called before I left the parking lot. She wanted to go get a drink in the only place in town that sold booze. It was a bit early for me, but Ashley needed to talk. I asked her what was going on and I found out that she had made a mistake, her words not mine.
“I broke up with him. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just said I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
She had dated her boyfriend for quite some time, and they were talking about marriage. What happened? I couldn’t go long without asking that very thing. I couldn’t imagine what would have happened for her to have broken up with him. They were soulmates.
“He wouldn’t stop looking at this lady at the store. I mean, he was staring at her, right in front of me. It was disgusting,” Ashley relayed. It didn’t sound like Timothy, but I knew that I wasn’t always the best judge of character when it came to men. I was told all the time that I was naïve.
“So, you broke up with him? Did you even ask who she was or why he was looking at her?” I asked casually as I took a swig of drink. She didn’t like the question.
“You think that I made it up and it’s all in my head too?”
Ashley was obviously worked up and I couldn’t say that it was all that new for her, but it came so quickly that it was surprising every time. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to ask some questions that would tell me what I suspected, but Ashley wouldn’t take it well. I wasn’t even going to ask. Instead, I just convinced her that I was on her side, which I was.
“So, who was she?”
Ashley shrugged. “I’ve never seen her before. It was weird and I swear that she was paying too much attention to him. She tried to hide it, but she kept an eye on my boyfriend. Something was going on, I’m telling you.”
“What do you think it’s about?”
