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It had to be done though, so I pulled in behind the red pickup truck and took a few breaths before I got out and headed toward the door. It opened before I could get to it and Charlie was standing there. He had an unfathomable look on his face, so I didn’t know what he was thinking.
“Is Amber here?”
“You are cutting it close, son.”
I didn’t know what that meant, but I was pushed inside and then I heard screaming. It was Amber and my first reaction was to go to her. Even though I had failed so miserably before, I had to go to her, still had to protect her.
What I walked into though was nothing like what I could have imagined our first time seeing each other again would be. For starters, she wasn’t wearing any pants, and she was sitting in a tub in the middle of the dining room. Her mom was there and another woman. It took seconds to realize that she was having the baby that she had just told me about. Another scream came out as she looked at me, surprised that I was there. I didn’t know if she was as surprised as I was, but damn I was shocked.
“Frank!” The next scream was just an elongated version of my name and the way she looked, horrified that I was there, made me wonder if the latter was meant.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize…” I started to turn and there was Charlie. “You might want to stay a while. This isn’t the time to go running off.”
I didn’t know, maybe it was the way he said it, but there was a definite bad taste left in my mouth. He was right, of course. I’d run away like a child, and I couldn’t do that any longer. I was about to be a father.
* * *
Holdingmy new son was an experience that was only slightly beaten by the way he came out. That was another experience that I wasn’t going to forget any time soon. I thought that I was going to come here, and we were going to talk. I really thought that I would have some time to plead my case, but none of that was the case. Instead, I was left looking at Amber in awe, as well as our son. I didn’t know which one I loved more in the moment.
“You’ve been staring at him for twenty minutes, Baron. If he’s asleep, give him to me,” Evelyn finally said. Amber was resting in her bed, the dining room’s nightmare had been cleaned up and it was finally time to have that conversation, at least I hoped it was. I didn’t want to put my son down though. I would have held him forever if given a choice.
Everyone left and we were there alone. I sat on the bed next to her, then laid down. We didn’t touch, but we were inches from each other the whole length of me. I wanted to touch her hand, tell her I loved her, but I just laid next to her for a time. I just wanted to be in her calm presence. I was still transfixed with what had happened before.
“You’re here.”
“I didn’t get the letter until yesterday, Amber. I wish I would have gotten it sooner. I was at another base.” I didn’t know what else to say and I was already shaking my head that I had said anything as lame as that. I was just overwhelmed. She’d just had our son and he was perfect. I was now a father, and we hadn’t been able to really talk about anything.
“What should we name him?” Her question was so much better, though I had no idea the answer. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I was now a father.
“Whatever you want, Amber.”
“I don’t know. I was thinking Charlie Frank. You said that your name is common in your family, so we should keep the tradition going.”
I couldn’t stop smiling. I didn’t know why it got to me the way it did, but I couldn’t help it. I really liked the sound of that.
“That’s good?” Amber wondered, obviously trying to make me happy. I turned to her and kissed her.
"You are wonderful. I am sorry I suck so bad."
She giggled and agreed that I did. “I thought you weren’t going to come,” she said softly.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I thought I wasn’t going to come either. She didn’t need to know how close I came to not coming. I wanted her to see that I was with her, and I was, but there was a time that I had questioned everything. Now, this was all happening, all real, and I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I felt different about all of it. I was a dad and I had to bring Amber to my side. I did suck, I had put her through hell for no reason. I was going to spend the rest of my life making up for it.
“I’m here now, Amber, and I’m never going anywhere again.” I meant it too. She sighed and leaned her head against me. It was just what she wanted to hear apparently. I tried to tell her that we were going to make this work one way or another, and she just nodded her head in agreement. I wanted to tell her more, but there was still uncertainty inside of me. I was still afraid that I would say the wrong thing and mess this up. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t already.
We laid together for a while and I had never felt so full before. I told Amber how much I missed her and how much I loved her, but she waved me off. I knew that it was going to take a while before they would trust me again. Hell, it was taking me a while to be trustable. I knew that taking off and avoiding her for all of this time was going to have to be addressed. I was shocked when she didn’t ask more than once, and even then, it was left open like she wanted to know. I think that she was afraid of me, if she was so cautious that she didn’t have to be convinced.
“I love you, Amber. I want to marry you.”
It just came out, but after I heard it out loud, I saw that it was the only way. It was the only way that I wouldn’t have the pressure that everyone seemed to have about us. If we were married, then she would always be mine and I loved her, and I wanted her as my wife. I didn’t even know I wanted a relationship, but I wanted her. With Amber, marriage and a family were actually possible, even when it wasn’t possible before.
She said yes, which came out as a whisper and when I kissed her, I felt the warm and then cool tears that fell from her eyes. I wasn’t the only one that had a lot of stock in the moment. I told her that it was going to be okay, and she waved me off. “It’s fine, I am just really worked up.”
Her eyes were clenched and reopened and the next thing I knew, I was falling in love with her all over again. “You’re a mom now.” I said the words in awe.
“Yeah, and you’re a dad.”
I didn’t know if hearing that I was a dad was ever going to get old. It wasn’t getting old at the moment.
