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It's been a minute since I've shut down, but I can feel myself retreating. Yet, I can't quite get to the blissful state of oblivion like old Eve could. Unfortunately, it's a skill that I grew out of and can no longer use to help me in this new life.
I curse my therapist...sometimes, it's frustrating how good she is.
Might as well just say it.
"I can't get pregnant. Ever. What they did...there's too much scarring. Or something. Either way, it's fine, don't worry about it."
There, I said it.
The stunned silence has me itching to hightail my ass out of here. Nolan looks ridiculously disappointed; whether that's in me, the fact I won't ever be able to give him a baby, or something else altogether, I have no idea. My tummy cramps at the rest of their faces, all so similar to the sadness and discontent on my best friend's face.
What do I say now?
"What did you just say?" Koko's voice is like fucking ice.
Unable to look him in the eye again I murmur, "I'm infertile. My uterus has too much scarring and trauma."
I flinch when the chair beside me goes flying backward and crashes onto the floor. I can't make out what Korren's saying under his breath as he paces the length of the dining room and into the kitchen.
A sniffle across from me almost makes me look, but I keep my head down. When the second chair, much slower this time, drags across the floor and a body leaves the table, I still keep my eyes lowered.
"I-" Amiri's voice is scratchy, sounding like he's in pain. I don't deserve to look at the men I hurt.
I don't know what I was expecting, but I guess I thought they might comfort me. That was selfish thinking. Of course, they would be pissed at the future I took away from them. I'm not whole, and now it's only a matter of time before they send me packing.
I kneeled in front of this exact same table my first night here, terrified that I would get kicked out if I didn't give them money. They didn't want my money, though. And now I sit here, terrified I'll be less than nothing in their eyes because I can't give them the children they deserve. They want kids.
They want the one thing I can't give them, so where does that leave me? What good is a girlfriend for a family that wants to grow?
I can't help the whimper that slips out and the tears that soak my cheek.
The final two chairs groan and creak as their occupants leave them cold and alone.Like I will be soon.
Nolan
I-I cannot comprehend the words that were just spoken to me.
"What did you just say?" I would yell at Korren for being so cold with Eve if I wasn't in the middle of a complete and utter breakdown. It feels like my organs have lost their will to live.
"I'm infertile. My uterus has too much scarring and trauma."
She repeats it. Eve repeats those heartbreaking words because we cannot even fucking fathom...anything. I think we knew to some extent how bad they hurt her in that way...but for those bastards to have damaged her this severely...
I recoil when Kor's chair flies back as he shoots to his feet. Running his hands through his hair and yanking on the strands, he paces like a man fighting to control the beast inside of him that wants revenge.
The commotion doesn't even stir the woman across the table from me. She does twitch a little when I sniffle back tears.What is she thinking?
My racing heart stutters to a halt at the hushed gag Ry lets out next to me. In a flash, he's out of sight, and Eve still hasn't said anything.
God. What the hell is she feeling? How long has she known? I can't believe she's held onto this horrible thing all alone. I ache for the baby that won't ever be part of me, but that's not as important as the woman currently shattering in front of me.
"I-" Mir cuts off just as fast as he started. What do you say to someone who has been ravaged so brutally that their future family paid the price?
She whines, and it snaps something inside of me at the same time it strikes a chord in Amiri. Kor stops all movement and locks his gaze on her as well. Up and out of our chairs, I don't hesitate to scoop her out of the seat and over to the couch. Dropping down and placing her on my lap, I grip her jaw in a firm hold like I've seen Kor do so many times.
"Tell me what you’re thinking." I don't make it a question but a demand because whatever is going on in her mind is making her retreat from us. Her family. Right now, more than ever, we need to be here for her.
Oh fuck. Realization sets in, we haven't done that at all in the last five minutes. We shut down when she needed us the most.
