AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Panic began to rise in Hannah’s body. So she breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth and tapped her hands on her knees in a rhythm while she tried to remember how to think. Nothing they were saying was untrue. They weren’t trying to take her agency or Carrigan’s from her. They loved her and were trying to keep her from burning out. She closed her eyes and asked herself what she really wanted, what she envisioned in her best possible version of their future.
If she was going to do any of the adventuring that she and Levi talked about, she was going to need less on her plate, but it was more than that. Miriam taking over some of her duties six months ago had opened her time up to rest, see her therapist more, take a long bath sometimes. In other words, she’d visibly seen her quality of life improve. She didn’t want to give up all control, because she loved Carrigan’s and being in charge sparked joy, but she could envision a life where she wasn’t in charge ofeverything, and the thought gave her nothing but relief.
“You know what?” she said, her voice only squeaking a little, “I don’t want to do two full-time jobs, period, no matter where I live. I don’t want my entire identity as a human to be my career. It’s absurd that my husband had to declare a Shenanigan to get me to go on a single date with him. I want to go to breakfast sometimes, somewhere that’s not our dining room. I want to read a book! That’s not about hotel management! I want to, like…be less shitty at trivia because I’ve interacted with the outside world more. I want to have friendships, and kids sometime soon.”
She got a full breath all the way into her lungs and looked around at her cousin, her best friend, and her husband. She was safe. Everything was okay.
“In a vacuum, without Levi here, I would probably say that I wanted to just do guest services, but I love our teamwork. I love working events together, it’s really…fun? And energizing?”
“Why do you sound so baffled by that, babe?” Levi asked, mock offended.
She elbowed him. “I want to be an events team. Maybe there’s a spare Rosenstein cousin we can poach for guest management.”
“Okay, real quick events-related question,” Levi said, raising his hand. “Do you want to plan a wedding for us? Because I’d like to have one so you’ll stop telling people we’re not really married.”
“Is this the time, Matthews?” Noelle asked him. “She’s going to need like a week to recover from giving up any of her job responsibilities.”
“Hey!” Hannah complained. “But also, fair.”
“I am getting on her calendar early, because scheduling things tells her that I love her,” Levi explained to Noelle. To Hannah, he added, “I know you used to want a chuppah covered in flowers and a long lace veil.”
She was touched that he remembered that.
“We should order a new glass to break; it’s probably bad luck to use the one we ordered before but never used.”
“I broke it,” Hannah said sheepishly. “I threw it off the bridge over the stream at the back of the farm. I threw a lot of stuff for a few months.”
Levi laughed at this. “What do you want now? A big wedding with everyone? Just us, a ketubah, a chuppah, and a rabbi? Something in between?”
Thinking about their wedding was like stretching an atrophied muscle. “I want everyone there. Or maybe noteveryRosenstein, but our core crew. My parents. But, Blue,” she said, meeting his eyes, “I don’t want to plan it.”
He startled, his eyes wide.
“I’ve planned so many weddings since you left. I threw my life into planning other people’s weddings, planning other people’s everythings, because my life was so out of control. I just want to show up to a beautiful wedding, say my vows, and be married. More married. Officially married.”
“You actually don’t want to plan it?” Levi asked, shocked.
She shook her head. “I know, you think it will make me twitchy to give up control of something that big, but I just don’t want to be in charge of all the labor all the time. My dream wedding would honestly be one I just showed up at. I know most people would not want to be surprised by their own wedding, but as long as we’d already decided we were getting married for real, I wouldn’t want to worry about the actual planning of it, like, at all.”
“Huh,” said Levi. “I would not have guessed that.”
“I wouldn’t have either!” Hannah said. “I’m just so sick of planning weddings! And I already planned ours once and had to mourn it.”
Miriam looked at Noelle victoriously. “See, I told you that when he wasn’t making her miserable, he made her much better at relaxing.”
“That’s not his personality,” Noelle argued. “That’s just orgasms.”
Levi winked at Hannah. “You wanna go relax?”
“Gross!” Noelle cried out, but Hannah just waved at her as she followed her husband out the door.
Chapter 23
Levi
Aweek later, the front lawn of Carrigan’s was hosting its first Pride festival for the last weekend of June. Usually, Carrigan’s held a Fourth of July festival, but the Carrigan’s crew had debated the ethical ramifications of throwing a celebration of independence on stolen Mohawk land and decided to invite some drag queens instead.
Levi wandered out onto the lawn in a brand-new scarf (weather be damned) in demisexual pride colors, gifted to him by Cole, who was very, very excited for his first out Pride. He found Laurence chatting to Elijah, having a fierce debate about the local college basketball team.
