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The engine rumbles under me, vibrating through my body and highlighting the delicious ache inside me. I want more. More of the two men I’ve fallen for, more of them inside me, more love, more games, play, cuddles.
I’m greedy for everything and even more than that.
“A fucking van,” I mutter to myself. “You’re drag racing a fucking van. If that isn’t the most stupid thing you’ve ever done.”
I press the gas pedal, holding the clutch right below the releasing point. I focus on the road ahead of me, ignoring the loud exhaust from the car next to me.
It’s fine. We’re good. I know what I’m doing. I’m a fucking good mechanic, amazing even. I don’t have to worry about anything.
I pop an apple-flavored piece of gum in my mouth as Faith raises one flag above her head. The guy next to me must nod, but I don’t look.
I press the button of the CD player. What an old fucking thing this van is. Going straight to the second track, I listen to the beginning of the song and nod when Faith raises her flag.
I turn to Ethan and Elliot right there at the front of the crowd. I do the OK sign and offer them half a heart with my left hand. They both do one back and my chest lightens.
I am so in love it’s dangerous.
Lose my mind, lose my focus, losemyselftype of dangerous.
Facing forward again, the rags go down, and I release the clutch.
“Na Na Na”by My Chemical Romance starts screaming in the van, and I’m off.
We start off good. Both of us, but he quickly accelerates and so does my heart. I have enough bags at the back to replicate the weight of the money bags we would have, and I’m too heavy. Fucking stupid heaviness. I watch the speedometer, counting the seconds in my head as I accelerate with all I have, pushing the van to its limit.
The first eighth of the mile is enough for the guy in his tuned-up car to speed past me, but I keep my eye on the needle. I push, and I push, and I fucking push.
But I lose.
By a few seconds too.
Still, I keep a smile on my face.
This is going to work.
I drive back to the starting line, watching as Faith gives my money to my opponent—or rather Elliot’s money. He shakes my hand, but I pull away quickly, not caring as I run back to my boyfriends.
Weird. That feels weird to say.
Elliot gives me a pointed look, and I know he didn’t forget our conversation from yesterday, but Faith is quicker than him.
“I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you lose,” she says. She doesn’tthinksheknows, but she’s testing the waters right now.
“Yep.” I nod, not really caring.
“Feels weird. Are you okay?”
I smile at Elliot. “Yep.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Yep?”
“It’s fine,” I assure him, putting a hand on his chest. “I promise it’s fine.”
“I believe I have two thousand dollars missing from my pocket telling me itisn’tfine.”
“Right, I’ll just leave you guys to it,” my friend says. She gives me a side-eye, silently hoping I’m going to survive this.
“Alright,” Ethan chuckles. “I’m sure you just made a very nice discovery for you to tell him it’s fine. Tell us all about it.”
