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She takes a step back, but I grab her hand. “No. You don’t get to avoid the conversation this time. You’re going to face the fact that I’ve been desperately in love with you for as long as I can remember, and you’re going to tell me how you feel. Even if you don’t feel the same. Even if it’s to tell me you’ll never be able to love me the way you do Ethan.”
“What’s going on?” My brother’s voice resonates softly in the room.
My eyes flick to him. Topless, with his headset around his neck and the cord hanging by his side.
“You’re not running away from this, Jade,” I say to her.
“Please, Elliot. I can’t…I can’t do this.”
When she tries to take another step back, I grab her other hand. It doesn’t really stop her attempt, and I’m too tired to fight.
I drop to my knees, both her hands in mine. “If this is the night you decide to choose, then so be it. But I’m not going to hurt myself over and over again asking for your love. I can’t do it anymore.” I gulp, my gaze dropping. “It hurts too much.”
“I can’t do this,” she panics some more. “Please, it’s not that simple.”
“He’s right, Mi Cielo. You’re unfair, and he’s allowed to know how you feel.”
“I can’t.” A sniffle makes me look up. She’s crying, but it doesn’t stop me.
“Do you want Ethan? Is that it? If that’s truly what you want, then I’ll let you two be, Jade. I’d rather that than knowing my whole life that I’ll always come after him. That there’s a brother you love and another you tolerate.”
“It’s not…Please…I can’t,” she sobs.
“I want the truth.”
“Elliot, I…”
Time stops as she looks me in the eye, so much guilt transpiring. It thickens the jade color around her pupils, it makes her hands shake in mine.
I expect her to break my heart. I brace for it.
But I certainly don’t expect her to say what she says next.
“I killed your dad, Elliot.” She chokes on the end of the sentence, then gasps a breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m in love with you, but how can I say it to you when I live with the guilt of what I’ve done?”
I fall on my ass, my mouth dropping open.
“What are you talking about?” Ethan comes nearer, attempting to put a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugs him off, stepping out of my hold and away.
“I’m sorry,” she repeats. “I’m sorry. He—” Her eyes are wild, going from my brother to me. “He hurt me.” She points to the hallway. “He assaulted me…and I…oh my God, I’m so sorry. I tried to tell someone.”
I can’t say anything as she keeps walking away, putting her palms in front of herself as if to keep us at bay. I just watch her…shock keeping me frozen.
“Your mom,” she says to Ethan. “She didn’t believe me. And Vickie…Lea…at school…no one believed me.” She’s wheezing, struggling to breathe, but I think Ethan and I are both too gone to react.
“Please.” Her struggle to breathe puts a weight on my chest. “Please, I didn’t mean to. He did it once, and when…when he tried again.” She stops pointing at the hallway, now looking at the sofa with round eyes, as if rewatching the scene unfold.
“I had come to ask for a ride to school. My dad had been called to work early. And you guys were already gone. Joel dragged me inside and he—he tried again. He said no one was here to save me…he wanted to go further…I just.” She shakes her head, wiping her forearm against her red nose. “I grabbed his gun to scare him off. We fought for it, and it just went off. I didn’t…I don’t know, maybe I did it on purpose. I just wanted him to leave me alone.”
Her back hits the wall. She slides down, bringing her knees to her chest as she grabs her roots. “I just wanted him to leave me alone.”
She looks up at Ethan as he approaches her slowly, putting a hand in front of himself like someone advancing toward a wild beast.
“Your mom opened the front door just as it happened,” she tells him. “And when she saw what he tried to do, my ripped clothes, she said she’d take care of the body. She left with it in her car, told me to tidy the house.” She shakes her head. “She never came back.”
She gives up on trying to explain herself. Her head drops to her knees, and she wraps her arms around her legs.
The silence stretches forever. Her against the wall that separates the living room from the kitchen. Me on the floor by the sofa. Ethan, in between us, standing and lost as to what to do.
