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"But you worry," he says.
"So much. I live in a constant state of anxiety, afraid one of them will go too far and they'll end up hurt or worse. I'm not ready to live my life without them because I wasn't watching closely enough.".
"That's not going to happen, lamb." Zayne reaches for me, tugging me into his arms. "I'll make sure of it."
"That's not your job."
"Taking care of you is my job."
My stomach churns with anxiety. "We both know you aren't really here because I'm in danger, Zayne. I just…I don't understand why you're here at all," I admit. "Why are you so willing to jump headfirst into all of this?"
"You might not be in physical danger, but that doesn't mean you don't need me, Emma." He tips my chin up until our eyes meet. "It doesn't mean you aren't in danger at all."
"I'm not."
"You're in danger of sacrificing more than you can afford to give, lamb. You're so busy takin' care of everyone else, but no one has been taking care of you."
"I take care of me."
"Now, you don't have to do it. You have me."
"But why?" I blurt.
"You really don't know?" He cups my cheek, rubbing his thumb along my jaw. "You really can't see it?"
"I…" I swallow hard, my stomach churning with anxiety. "I see it," I finally manage to whisper. "I think that's exactly why I've been fighting this so hard, Zayne."
"Why?"
"What if…what if I'm not good at this?" I ask. "What if I mess it all up and ruin your life?"
"You really think you could do that?"
I lick my lips, trying to find the words. I've never told anyone about my parents, not even Camila. "My mom was an addict. She hurt a lot of people. I think she hurt my dad worst of all. He was crazy about her, but you can't love an addiction out of someone. He found that out the hard way."
"Damn," Zayne whispers, pulling me closer, as if he can physically protect me from my past and the memories of it.
"Her dealer ended up killing them both."
"How old were you?"
"Nine."
"Jesus."
"The saddest part is that I think he knew what was going to happen. My dad, I mean. Before he left to go meet her dealer that day to pay him off, he packed up all of my stuff. I remember him sending me off to school that morning, hugging me like it was the last time he was going to see me." A few hours later, he and my mom were dead. Istillthink about the way he hugged me that morning.
"You think he knew he was going to die?"
"I think he knew it was a possibility. But he loved my mom, so he went anyway. Part of me thinks maybe he hoped it'd end that way just so he didn't have to keep living without her." I take a breath. "I'm not sure if I'm more afraid of you breaking my heart or if I'm more afraid that I'll end up breaking yours."
"You think I could break your heart, lamb?"
"I think you're the only man I've ever met who has the power to break it," I admit, giving him the truth I've been trying so hard to fight. The one that seals my fate, and perhaps his too.
I'm in love with this man. For better or worse, he has my heart. I just hope he knows what to do with it because I don't have a clue.
Chapter Nine
