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My heart squeezes, but I keep my cool. "My relationship with Ms. de Luca was simply a means to an end. Becoming sexually involved was a mistake, but it's not like no agent in the history of the Bureau has never done the same. And I did what was required of me for the mission."
"Perhaps. But emotional transference often occurs in these contexts." She leans forward, probing. "Tell me honestly, Natalie.Haveyou developed feelings for her?"
I force myself to hold her shrewd gaze. "No. Whatever she made me feel, it wasn't real."
Hays doesn't look convinced, but she moves on. "Very well. Have you had any contact with Ms. de Luca since her release?"
I hesitate, the lie poised on my tongue. Hays' eyes narrow. I need to tread carefully here. "No. I assumed she'd come after me for revenge," I say, letting some real vulnerability seep into my tone. "But maybe she has more important things to worry about."
I'm lying. I, Natalie Miller, who joined the FBI to uphold the law, to fight for justice, is a big fucking liar.
And I should feel a lot worse about that than I do. Is it Alessa's gray morality rubbing off on me? Or am I starting to understand something I never wanted to see before, that sometimes the greater justice requires a smaller injustice, a white lie here and there?
But that's a slippery slope, isn't it? The same slope, maybe, that whoever planted the evidence started out on. A small injustice to create the justice they believed was necessary—Alessa's arrest.
Hays has made a non-committal noise. "Well, for your own safety, it's best to avoid any contact with her, of course. Although..." She taps her pen thoughtfully against her lips. "Perhaps youshouldtry to reestablish the connection. If she truly had feelings for you, you may be able to extract more evidence."
I stiffen in shock. "You want me toseduceher?"
Hays shrugs. "Well, let's not go that far. I'm only talking about using your charm, playing on her emotions. Getting what we need to tighten the screws on her."
Revulsion sweeps through me at the clinical suggestion. This can't be ethical, even for the Bureau. Unless...this is some kind of test of my reactions. To see if I'll blindly follow orders. Or to see if I really have developed some attachment to Alessa.
Or what Evelyn said is true, and they just don't have any convincing case against Alessa.
And that thought really shouldn't spark joy in me like it is.
I force an appeasing look onto my face. "I'll consider all options that Captain Bell thinks are appropriate, but I don't think it would work."
She smiles. "Perhaps. Now, given the potential threats you face, perhaps you should accept protective custody." Her smile takes a second to place, the almost oily sheen of it… A used car salesman. That's what it reminds me of. "I believe Agent Wright offered his assistance?" she says cheerfully.
Oh, God. "He did. And I declined." Just the thought of being under Wright's watchful eye makes my skin crawl. "I'd prefer to lay low alone for now."
"As you wish." Hays checks her watch. "I think that's sufficient for today. And I think you're doing very well, Miller. I'll happily clear you for desk duty starting Monday—no field ops, though."
"Actually..." I take a breath, committing to the plan forming in my mind. "I think I'd like more time off. To fully process everything."
Her brows shoot up in surprise. "Oh? Are you sure isolation is what you need right now?"
"Yeah. Just another week or two." I inject a pleading note into my voice. "I'd hate to be stuck behind a desk, Kris. You know me. I like to be out there."
Hays considers me for a long moment, then sighs. "Very well. I'll inform Captain Bell." Her mouth tightens. "He won't be pleased, but I'll make your health a priority."
"Thank you." Relief flows through me. A week should be enough time to find a way to help Alessa move Elena Martinez.
And then when I come back to the Bureau, armed with whatever Alessa has to tell me, I can uncover the truth about my team's actions in this case.
I endure a few more platitudes about self-care and decompression strategies before I'm able to escape into the spring afternoon. The sunlight feels cleansing as it spills over me, warming my skin.
A week. Seven days before I have to resume my FBI duties, step back into that rigid, rule-bound world I once cherished. But now the thought fills me with dread.
When did upholding the law stop feeling so black and white?
Maybe it never truly was, and I just refused to see it. Until Alessa showed me those complex layers of truth and deception, desire and duty.Sheunlocked this undercurrent of defiance in me, the urge to follow my heart, my gut, my instinct, over the rules.
But afterward, when I've found out the truth, I'll step away from the darkness. Leave Alessa to her shadowy world while I return to the light. Our paths diverged long before we met—it's past time I remember that.
Whatever happens in the next seven days, I vow it will be the last time I see Alessa de Luca. The last time I let her sway me from the righteous path.
