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A reckless impulse overtakes me. Before I can think better of it, I'm striding for the exit, grabbing my coat from a startled Liana at the desk as the valet rushes to fetch my car.
This is madness, I tell myself. I should keep my distance, for both our sakes. There are too many watchful eyes on me—on her—
But I have to see her. The pull is too strong to resist.
My convertible is delivered curbside. I slide in and rev the engine, peeling away into the night. The city gleams around me as I head for Queens, even though doubts assail me. Natalie didn't ask for me to barge back into her life. And things are complicated enough without me making impulsive gestures.
But I've never felt this way before. Like everything up there in the Ruby is just an illusion, and now I'm racing after somethingreal.
The Queens neighborhood is quiet when I arrive. I pull over a block from her building and walk the rest of the way, my heels clicking on the sidewalk. It's quiet, and as far as I can tell, no thuggish FBI agents are waiting around outside.
I'm almost relieved that the door at the bottom is open, that I don't have to give her advance warning by buzzing up. But by the time I get to her door, I'm a tangle of nerves. I raise my hand to knock, hesitating. Is this a mistake?
Before I can second-guess myself further, I knock softly.
CHAPTER20
ALESSA
A few moments later, the door swings open. Natalie stands there in a worn FBI hoodie, looking unfairly gorgeous, shock flashing across her face. "Alessa? What are you doing here?"
Suddenly I'm unsure what to say. I just couldn't stay away. But that sounds ridiculous.
I take a breath, grasping for composure. "I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced. I was nearby, so I thought..."
I trail off lamely. Natalie watches me, expression unreadable. The silence stretches.
Just as I'm about to turn and flee, she steps aside in wordless invitation. Relief floods me. I follow her in, my heart pounding as she closes the door.
We stand awkwardly in her cozy living room. This feels right, being near her. But the air is fraught with unspoken words.
"Isn't the Ruby reopening tonight?" she says at last.
"Yes," I blurt out, "but I couldn't stop thinking about you." Natalie's eyes widen. I forge ahead. "I haven't been able to get it out of my head." I exhale shakily. "I tried to stay away. I know things are complicated. And I'm sorry I tricked you into helping me."
Natalie just gazes at me steadily. I feel exposed, but I push on.
"You've made me start to imagine a different kind of future. One I didn't think was possible." My voice drops to a whisper. "I've never felt this way before."
She's silent so long, I fear I've made a grave misstep.
Finally she steps closer, her expression softening. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, too." She takes my hands in hers. "This thing between us...it scares me how much I want it. How I'm willing to upend my life." Her thumbs caress my knuckles. "But there's nothing wrong with listening to our hearts. With feeling love."
My breath catches at that word. "Love. Is that—is that what I'm feeling?"
Natalie smiles. "Only you can decide that, when you're ready. For now, just trust how you feel—and go with it."
Emotion clogs my throat. I tug her into an embrace, clinging tight. Her arms wrap securely around me, and for the first time in years, I feel truly safe.
And trulyhome.
A few moments later, the door swings open. Natalie stands there in a worn FBI hoodie, looking unfairly gorgeous, shock flashing across her face. "Alessa? What are you doing here?"
Suddenly I'm unsure what to say. I take a breath, grasping for composure. "I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced. I was nearby, so I thought..."
I trail off lamely. Natalie watches me, expression unreadable. The silence stretches.
Just as I'm about to turn and flee, she steps aside in a wordless invitation. Relief floods me. I follow her in, my heart pounding as she closes the door.
