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“Cálmate,Camellia!” Miguel said in Spanish, restraining her arms. “This isn’t the place!”
“I hate you!” She screamed at Noah.
“I… I didn’t know.” Regret poured from his eyes. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“You asshole!”
“I’m so sorry.”
“You’re always sorry, aren’t you?” Cammie wept. “We both know that’s a load of bull—because you never give a shit! You don’t care about anyone but yourself!”
“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“Just go!” Cammie hurled Noah’s car keys at him with revulsion and said, “You mess everything up! Pack your shit andleave! I never want to see you or hear from you again!” She turned and took refuge in Miguel’s arms.
Noah was so guilt stricken. There wasn’t much he could say or do. He felt useless and powerless. Cammie’s agonizing cries echoed in his ears as he shamefully walked down the hall to the elevators.
I can’t get any lower than this,he thought, heading down to the parking garage.
He left an envelope full of cash on the coffee table to help cover his friends’ travel expenses. Noah had already taken care of Carrie’s hospital fees, but it still didn’t make him feel any better. His summer vacation had turned out to be a nightmare, and he held himself accountable. He wasn’t sure how he could ever make it right with his friends, especially the sisters.
CHAPTER FIFTY
GUESS WHO?
Cambridge, MA, 2001
Life as Noah knew it had gone back to normal, except a few things had changed: he was six months clean from his addictions. Last summer’s haunting events had been the wake up call he needed to check himself into rehab when he returned to Cambridge in August. It was during his stay at the wellness center where he first met Dr. Alexander Grey. His sessions with him hadn’t been successful at first, but eventually, Dr. Grey helped Noah overcome his cocaine and sex addiction to get him on the road to recovery.
Love, acceptance, self-respect: it must all start from within, Noah. How can you love and respect another person, if you can’t even show the same toward yourself?
Noah remembered Dr. Grey’s advice as he cooked in his kitchen on a chilly Thursday evening in February. He only had two months left of school before he would graduate.
Learn to love and forgive yourself, Noah, so that you can forgive and love others with a compassionate heart. You can’t live the rest of your life punishing yourself and pushing people away out of shame. That will only lead you down a dark and lonely road.
Grey’s advice was useful, but Noah felt daunted when he thought about the long road to redemption. His relationshipwith Cammie was often discussed with Dr. Grey. Noah had sent her many emails apologizing for what had happened on their road trip. He had mentioned his sobriety, but Cammie never replied. She avoided him for months and ignored him whenever she saw him on campus. Dr. Grey had suggested he email Carrie and apologize, but he didn’t have her contact information. Noah had never meant to hurt Cammie or ruin her relationship with her sister. He didn’t like the way things had ended last summer, but Dr. Grey had told him not to dwell on the past. Giving Cammie some space was for the best. He knew he needed to forgive himself for what happened in order to move forward with his life. And that’s exactly what Noah was determined to do.
??
By early March, Noah found himself in the middle of another custody battle for his daughter. While stressing over his finals, he worried about his case in family court. Tomorrow morning, he was flying out to New York with his attorney. Being seven months sober, his anxiety was through the roof, but Noah was determined to stay optimistic. He needed his daughter in his life. Seven years had passed since she was born, and he was finally ready to be there for her. Aria was the only person he loved unconditionally. He was confident if he was more involved in her life, he could be a better father and a better man.
It had been raining all day on that late Tuesday evening as Noah occupied his time with his studies. From the start of his senior year, he had stopped hosting parties and had become a social recluse. He was progressing well, determined to put his poor reputation behind him.
Setting his laptop aside, he got up to make some coffee when someone knocked on the door. Surprised by the unexpectedvisit, he sauntered to the entrance and looked through the peephole to see who it was.
Shit.
Anxiously, he unlocked the door and prepared himself for an argument.
“Cammie.”
There was a five-second pause before she smiled and invited herself in.
“You’re forgiven,” she casually said, looking around his place. “I needed time to get to that stage. Missed me?” Cammie smiled. “I’m surprised you didn’t go to any of Connor’s parties last year.”
“I’ve been in rehab. I mentioned that in my emails to you.”
If you bothered to read them,he thought, put off by her indifference.
