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Am I narcissistic to love her to this degree because she’s a part of me?I questioned.
“Tell me how to make it up to you.” She left a trail of soft kisses along my jaw, making my heart sigh.
I knew exactly what she was doing. I didn’t want her to stop; that’s what messed with me so much.
“Get along with Vanessa,” I said.
“Done.” Aria let out a long-winded sigh.
Her lips glided down my neck, as I battled with myself. My demon was still alive; he wanted her.
“No more silent treatments,” I added, caressing her hips.
So much for remaining frigid…
“You got it.” Aria pressed her palm against my chest and took her time kissing my neck.
The way she touched me was beyond inappropriate. Allowing her to kiss me like this was even more disturbing. It seemed impossible to resist our chemistry. My animal instincts were beckoning me to relinquish control and ravage her, but I ignored those impulses and gently eased her arms away.
Tame that monster, Noah… tame him.
“And,” I added. “We can’t dothisanymore.” I felt horrible for hurting her, but I had no other choice.
“Because you’re married?” She sulked.
“No, Aria, because I’m your dad, and you’re my daughter.”
“Is that the only barrier keeping you from being with me?”
“Everything we did with each other—all the inappropriate stuff…” I exhaled my frustration. “It was wrong. I’m a man of morals. My entire professional career is based on upholding the law. I can’t contradict everything I believe in.”
“Spare me the criminal law bullshit, Noah, please. You close cases, you’re not a district attorney.”
“I was an associate working under the D.A. of LA County before I transferred to my firm. And I’ll have you know they had promoted me to head litigator, so I’m familiar with the criminal justice system. I used to help put bad guys away, and now look at me. I’m the biggest hypocrite ever.”
“Fuck the law!” she cried out in anger. “You’ve already broken so many rules! You can’t take it all back now—it’s too late! I can’t pretend like everything we shared didn’t happen.” Her eyes betrayed her inner turmoil. I felt horrible.
“Can we ever go a day without arguing?” I said, unsure of how to rectify the situation.
As a man, it was my duty to be a problem solver by honoring my word and following through with actions. But with my daughter, I was looping in a moral dilemma and felt stuck. How could I normalize things between us? I’d always excelled at resolving just about anything, especially in my area of expertise. I needed help. Aria was my weakness. I couldn’t bend the truth and be manipulative like I was on the job. It was a necessary evil to be a successful lawyer, which was why I’d been promoted to senior partner two years ago.
“You’re right about one thing, Noah.” She gave me a stony stare. “Youarea hypocrite. I’ll give step-mommy ‘dearest’ a fake apology. And don’t worry—I’ll even keep my hands off you from now on.”
My heart sank as she turned around and left the kitchen. I wanted to follow her. Every part of me was desperate to show her exactly what she meant to me, but I resisted and decided it was best to keep my distance for the moment. I didn’t trust myself around her. She had no idea how many times I’d had sex with her in my dreams, undressed her in my mind, and passionately kissed her to the point of soul intoxication. She wasn’t aware of the ugly monster I hid within: my personal shame. This inward corruption grew stronger every day, and it was getting harder to ignore.
Improving my intimate relationship with my wife hadn’t fixed my problem. Every time I was in proximity to Aria, all I could feel was magnetic attraction—like I couldn’t think. My logic would shut down. Being a man with high intellect, Iwasn’t used to tapping into my heart space like this; the depth of emotions she made me feel were on another level. This attraction wasn’t built on foundations of lust; it was forbidden love. Everything reminded me of her, to where I found it hard to focus on work. I had to resist that natural pull and ignore the way my body gravitated toward her. This dance we did around each other was mentally draining.
Will it ever end?
I craved redemption, but I was losing all hope.
CHAPTER TEN
ARIA
April 27, 2013
12:03 AM
