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“You willneverlose me. I have a hard time balancing everything I feel for you. Half the time I feel like I need to check myself into a psychiatric ward. I battle with myself daily because every time I’m around you, I can’t focus on anything apart from this raw, intense…” He paused. “It’s wrong on levels I can’t even describe. Aside from our blood relation and the fact that I’m married, you’re only eighteen. You’re still a baby. Had I met you under different circumstances, I still wouldn’t have gotten involved with you.”
“I don’t believe you.” I glared at him. “Our attraction is hot enough to set this roof on fire. You’re telling me that ‘under different circumstances’ you could ignore that, simply because I’m not ‘old enough?’”
He stayed quiet.
“There’s no point in going through hypothetical situations,” Noah stated, “because it doesn’t matter. The law is the law, and I’m a man of the law. I’m married and I’m your father. I can’t be your lover. I’m genuinely sorry for acting on some of my desires for you. That’s entirely my fault.”
Someof his desires? Is there a list? I wondered, feeling oddly better.
“Learning about GSA and coping with it has been hard,” Noah added. “But therapy is helping me. I won’t force you, but I wish you would give it a shot.”
The saddest sigh fled from my lips as I surrendered to silence. There wasn’t much I could say, but Noah wasn’t done.
“I’m responsible for your wellbeing, Aria. What I did with you…”—he stopped—“it was wrong. Fathers aren’t supposed to lust after their teenage daughters.”
“I’m not a teenager anymore!”
“You’reeighteen. Did you hear that word properly, or do you need me to keep emphasizing the last syllable until it sinks in?”
Gawd.
“Besides, you’re not really an adult until you’re at least twenty-one. Personally, I’d bump that up another decade.”
There was no use in arguing with him, so I changed the subject and said, “You didn’t force me to kiss you.”
“No. But again, it doesn’t matter.”
“I want a lot more than what goes beyond this…” I brushed my hand down his stomach.
“Stop that.” Noah sighed, grabbing my hand, guiding it to his chest. “Look, no matter how old you get, I’m your father and you’re my daughter. You’re a part of me. You’re my flesh and blood. It’s not the natural way of things to engage in a relationship with a blood relative.”
“Cousins marry cousins in some countries.”
“We’re not cousins, and we live in the United States of America.”
Obviously.
“I’m never getting married,” I openly expressed. The idea of marriage gave me extreme anxiety because of what I’d witnessed between Mom and Rob.
“Why do you say that? Marriage is wonderful.”
“Are you seriously gonna preach to me about how great married life is?”
“A piece of paper and a ring don’t solidify the lifelong commitment two people make when they pledge their eternal love for each other,” he explained. “That’s just social and religious customs. I like to look at marriage as a union of souls. Everyone wants to find their soul mate. And when you find them, you never want to let them go. So, you make it official and get hitched. Of course, every relationship takes work and has difficulties, but true love will always survive all trials and tribulations.”
“Are you a love guru now? Because last time I checked, your relationship direly needs an intervention.”
He gave me a stern look. “My marriage is not up for debate.”
“Marriage is overrated. Everybody gets married for the wrong reasons these days, and no one stays true to their vows. What’s the point in spending thousands of dollars on a huge wedding ceremony, only to get screwed over by your ‘one true love’ and get divorced a few years later? Some couples don’t even last a year. Divorce statistics aren’t that high anymore because less couples are getting married. Personally, I think that’s wise. It seems like anyone who ‘ties the knot’ ends up miserable down the road. People get married and separated as easy as breathing air.”
“Relationships are complicated,” Noah responded. “People constantly change, and nothing stays constant… but that’s what marriage is all about, for better or for worse, in—”
“Sickness and in health… yeah, I know how it goes,” I impatiently answered. “That’s exactly my point, though. If people are always changing, what’s the point in taking anyone’s feelings at face value when you know they’ll inevitably stop loving you the same way? Are they without fault because they’ve reconsidered?”
“I didn’t know you were so cynical about love and marriage.” He looked surprised.
“Can you blame me? It’s not like my mom and stepdad are the perfect example of a blissfully married couple. I rarely saw them express affection for each other while I was growing up. If they ever shared their relationship problems on theDr. Philshow, no one would ever want to get married.”
