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“It’s all right,” he said in a soothing tone. “I know you don’t hate me. We’re bound forever, Aria. There’s a blood contract between us.”
A contract I wish never existed, I thought, weeping even more. I loved breathing him in this way: so close. He felt like he was mine, if only for a brief minute.
“That could have been us.”
“But it wasn’t. We’re here, we’re alive, and we’re okay.” Noah stroked my hair, kissing my forehead before he slipped away from my arms.
“It wasn’t our time to go yet,” he said. “I’m gonna be here when you graduate from college; I’m gonna give you away when you walk down the aisle; and you’re gonna make me a proud grandfather one day when you take on motherhood.”
I didn’t want to think about either of those possibilities; I was still shaken up.
Noah handed me a tissue as I wiped my tears and tried to relax.
“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen a car accident up close,” I expressed.
“Me too. That was scary.” Noah paused. “On a side note… you’re high, so you’re gonna feel everything at a more amplified level.”
Tears misted my vision as I apologized again. “I never wanted to upset you. I just wanted you to believe me. It hurts that you don’t.”
“Look, I can’t throw Vanessa under the bus with no evidence to prove your accusations.”
“I know what I saw!”
“That’s why I’ve hired a private investigator.”
Best decision ever.She was bound to get caught.
“Noah, I would never lie to you and deliberately wreck your relationship just to get you all to myself. That wouldn’t be a genuine victory for me.”
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to compete for my love”—he caressed my cheek—“you already have it.”
“Not how I want.”
“We keep running in circles about this. You know I can’t go there with you, and I explained why.” Noah exhaled his frustration. “Please, let’s not fight. Not after what happened.I’m not even mad at you anymore. I’m just grateful we weren’t involved in that car crash.”
Police cruisers, a fire truck, and two ambulances sped past our car as the blaring sound of the sirens filled the streets.
“Do you think those people are okay?” I asked.
“Hopefully, no one died tonight.” He looked out at the road. The rain had finally let up. “Let’s go home—and please don’t pick a fight with Vanessa.”
I wasn’t going to. I was done fighting for someone who didn’t want me. After graduation, I was going to take the first flight out of sunny California and trade my luxurious accommodation for that crappy apartment on Conduit Avenue. Yep, I was planning to return to the polluted streets of NYC. I missed Times Square; it was gorgeous at night with all those flashing neon lights, and cars rushing by. The skyline at sunset was incredible, and I missed riding the ferry. All those skyscrapers just made me feel so enclosed inside this vast dome—and the city itself was so diverse. China town always smelled delicious, and little Italy was heaven to me… I was so homesick and missed my best friends. Running from Noah was the only way I could move on from these feelings I had for him. I had no other choice.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
ARIA
May 25, 2013
Dear Diary,
I really don’t know how to start because I’m feeling so many mixed emotions right now. My prom is tonight, and like any girl my age, I should glow with excitement and be happy to have reached this milestone… except all I can feel is an unbearable sadness that only dulls when I think about dying. No, I’m not going to kill myself. I just feel an odd sense of comfort knowing that I won’t be alive forever. Who wants to feel the way I do…forever? I wouldn’t wish this on my enemy.
To share the latest news, I’ve finally graduated. The ceremony isn’t until the second week of June. I should look forward to walking across that stage with pride and receiving my diploma in front of my friends and family… but I’m not… because I won’t be there. I won’t be attending, and my parents don’t know. I’ll get to the reason after I finish sharing my racing thoughts. I’ll try my best to piece this puzzle together, despite my splitting migraine. It’s hard to focus when my feelings get in the way. My head is all over the place. (Deep breath.)
Starting my first year at Columbia University is exciting and scary at the same time. New environment, new people, and harder expectations. The messed-up part is that I lied to Noah and Mom about where I’ll be going to school. Yeah, I’ve been lying about a lot of things lately. But it’s not because I want to hurt anyone; it’s because I’ve been hurt enough, and I just need to be on my own. They think I’ve accepted my offer at Berkley. The reason I lied is because I didn’t want to have to explain my choice and argue about it with Noah; and I didn’t want my mother doing extra shifts to help me with finances—nor did I want her arguing with my stepdad about me moving in again. That’s not my plan, anyway. I’m returning to New York, but I will not live with them. Jade had offered to let me stay at her place for the summer. I’m planning to get a job and save up for living expenses before school starts.
So, what has my life been like these past four weeks? Well, there’s been a lot of tension between Noah and I, but that’s nothing new. We can’t seem to get along. One minute he’s close, the next minute he’s miles away, and this pattern never ends. I’m so done with all our fighting. We keep pretending not to feel attracted to one another—the usual song and dance. It’s been difficult to stay on good terms with my stepmom. I just don’t respect her. She probably ended her affair with Amir, since Noah’s P.I. failed to catch her in scandalous acts. Once I leave LA, no one will know but me. And that’s exactly how I’m going to keep it: top secret.
