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Evan and I exchanged a secret glance before I walked away and followed Jess. We were halfway down the path when our prom dates started toward us.
“Where did you go?” asked Ryan. “I got worried.” He removed his mask and kissed my cheek.
“I was just chatting in the garden with Evan.”
Turning around, I noticed he had disappeared.
“Steph’s perfume gave me a headache,” Ryan complained.
“You’re lucky she didn’t chat your ear off through the dance!” Jess laughed.
“I was so tempted to step on her feet.”
“Well,” I said to Ryan. “How noble of you to refrain from temptation.”
He smiled and offered me his arm before we walked back to the banquet hall with our friends.
??
Watching my classmates dance to Psy’s “Gangnam Style” was hilarious. I remember when his music video had gone viral and skyrocketed him to fame on YouTube. Everybody knew the crazy choreography—including Coach Carter. Sometimes you need to let loose and have fun, no matter how ridiculous you look.
As midnight approached, Ryan and I had one last dance together. Boyce Avenue had covered a song that was originally sung by U2. I loved this acoustic version, even though Bono’s vocals were incredible. Resting my head in the crook of Ryan’s neck, he held me close and danced with me.
The riveting lyrics echoed around us as I closed my eyes and let my mind wander. Noah instantly appeared. I hated how he had this effect on me. Evan had kissed me two hours ago, and you would think I would try to process that through the rest of my evening. But no… all thoughts were strictly Noah related. I wondered if he was thinking about me at all—whether he missed me. As hard as it was to leave him, I did not regret coming to California. I didn’t regret a single moment I had shared with him. Our relationship was beyond complicated, and even though he couldn’t return my feelings, at least I knew he cared about me. That should have been enough, right? Except it wasn’t. Not for me. I was selfish that way. I could have stayed. I could have gone to Berkley, dated Ryan, or a nice guy in college; I could have had a normal life, but I didn’t want that. I had never been privileged with normalcy. Now that I had all these opportunities that gave me exactly that: security, stability,normalcy… Iwanted to run. I wasn’t sure if I was deliberately trying to sabotage my life off course and set myself up for failure, or if I genuinely thought this was the best alternative for me. Would I ever feel normal again? Had I ever even felt normal?
Nope,my subconscious answered.You are anything but normal, Aria.
I would have replied with a witty French quote, but my linguistic knowledge in that department was… how do you say…le suck?
Ugh, way to butcher a language.I love French culture—don’t come for me.
I was supposed to be enjoying this last dance, but I was having conversations with myself like a neurotic person. Thankfully, the song ended, and I was no longer relating the lyrics to Noah.
“Thank you for the dance.” Ryan smiled, kissing my hand. “Do you mind waiting while I use the restroom?”
“Yeah, no worries,” I said.
“Don’t disappear.”
“I won’t.”
Not tonight, anyway. Not until tomorrow.
When Ryan left, I looked for Evan through the crowd, but couldn’t track him. I spotted Ms. Perez sitting at a table, talking with her colleagues, but my uncle wasn’t with her.
Where did he go? Is he upset?My paranoid thoughts consumed me. Opening my clutch, I pulled out my cellphone and noticed Evan’s text message.
Sorry for bailing. Something came up. Emergency. Don’t worry. Let’s talk 2morrow or whenever ur free this weekend. I need 2 c u.
But I wouldn’t be there tomorrow. I didn’t want to imagine how mad he would be once he’d find out I had flown back toNew York without saying goodbye. To complicate things more, we had kissed. I didn’t know how to feel about it.
Let’s go through my list of facts, shall we?
Can we please ditch your irritating habit of listing things already? It’s getting annoying,my ego complained.
I guess I just needed to reiterate the fact that I was still in love with Noah, and despite everything I had planned tonight, sleeping with Ryan wouldn’t change my feelings. That kiss with Evan had left me feeling… hot and bothered, but it didn’t break the love spell I was under. Regardless, I was still going to sleep with Ryan. My mind was made up, as if it was the only way to purge Noah’s energy from my body.
Hopefully I can get over my all-consuming love for this man. Ineedto get over him.I sighed, spamming my mind with sad emojis when I realized I would never get over him. Maybe having my head probed, prodded, and psychoanalyzed by a doctor was not such a bad idea.
