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Much like before, Emerson gave me little time to adjust. Thankfully, he didn’t go all the way—I’d be puking for sure—but he was still thrusting deep enough to cause me to gag. Blindly, I reached for his bare hips, not to push him off me but to give myself something to hold onto.
“Slap my leg twice if you need me to stop.” It was all he said before he was fucking fully into my mouth.
My nails bit into his skin as I struggled to open my mouth wide enough to fit his thick cock. Why were alphas so freaking big? But I was careful not to let go. I didn’t want to do anything that could be misconstrued as me hitting his leg. I wasn’t stopping.
He didn’t seem to mind me holding onto him, or maybe he didn’t notice. He wasn't looking at me now. No, his expression was completely shut off, cold even. He was staring somewhere beyond my head as he fucked my throat.
He was getting close. I could tell by how he thickened even more. Was he actually going to knot my mouth? Real fear filled me for the first time. Did I want that? Could I even handle that? I didn’t think so. My ass might be designed to take a knot, but my mouth wasn’t. The idea of it did thrill me, but I wasn’t ready yet. For the future.
My belly turned. There would be no future with Emerson. I needed to get that idea out of my head for my own sanity.
And I needed to make a decision. If I was going to tap out, now would be the time.
I never got the chance though. Emerson pulled out at the last possible second. Two pumps and his warm and salty seed was spilling all over my face once again. Even though it was enough to make me come a second time, it hurt. It was yet another way he was keeping his distance: by not knotting me or even coming in my mouth. It was another way to keep our connection casual, even if that was impossible.
As soon as he was done, Emerson climbed off me. The pure, unadulterated terror I felt thinking he was leaving me like this once again surprised me. I always knew it was a long shot that he’d come to his senses and claim me, but him leaving me was more than I could stand.
But then he was kneeling by my side, a rag in his hand, and I could breathe again. He helped me to a sitting position and gently cleaned my face. My heart clenched. Aggressive and brutal Emerson, I could deal with. Cold and distant Emerson too. But the kind and considerate version? I couldn’t take it. It was all too much, and the tears began to flow before I could stop them.
My mate’s expression sharpened when he saw my face. He stopped mid-wipe, watching me. “Did I hurt you?” His voice was rough, unsure. I hated hearing him like that.
He had, but not in the way he meant. I shook my head. “No, I’m fine. I-I liked it.”
He snorted in disbelief, like I hadn’t now orgasmed three times untouched because of this man. I wasn’t going to convince him, so I kept my mouth shut and let him take care of me, even if it was breaking me into a million little pieces.
When he was done, he cleaned himself off briskly but didn’t bother redoing his pants.
Emerson couldn’t make eye contact when he squatted down next to me, but he still helped me to my feet and over to the love seat that was pushed against the wall in the office.
As I went to sit down, he suddenly froze midmotion. “You’re bleeding.”
I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at the absolute shock in his voice. “Well, yes. You did bite me multiple times.”
Emerson staggered back a couple steps, looking horrified. I jumped to my feet, ignoring the light-headedness I felt. “Don’t go. Please. I’m not upset. I liked it. I’m fine. Great even.”
My mate whipped his head back and forth, looking around the room like it held all the answers. “Maybe I should get someone? A doctor or something?”
Gods. “Emerson, please just sit with me. We heal quickly, remember? All I need is you to sit with me for a second. Well, and maybe some water.”
His expression brightened like he was happy to have a task. “There’s a mini fridge. Hang on.”
A few seconds later, he was back with a small bottle of water. I smiled in thanks as, finally, he sat down next to me. I was about half in subspace, taken out a bit by his panic, but as soon as he stiffly and awkwardly wrapped his arm around me and brought me to his chest, the floaty feeling came back full force.
The omega in me was elated. Our mate was here and comforting us.Don’t get your hopes up. Don’t get your hopes up,I kept repeating to myself, praying that it would stick.
I didn’t know how long we sat there but eventually, Emerson relaxed just a fraction and I began to doze off . . . .
I felt as soon as he stiffened up. I froze, terrified to even open my eyes. This was it. He had finally come down enough and realized that he was cuddling me. My eyes squeezed shut even harder, trying to prevent the upcoming onslaught of tears as he gently extracted himself from underneath me. He was going to try and leave.
I finally forced myself to open my eyes in time to see him pulling up his pants and shoving his now soft cock back inside.
“Were you even going to say goodbye?” I was surprised by how cold my voice sounded.
Emerson jumped, but he didn’t look guilty as he turned toward me. He looked distant; he had shut down already. I swallowed around the lump in my throat.
“Yes. I promised Orion I wouldn’t leave you alone until I knew you were alright. I was wrong for how I acted earlier. I shouldn’t have left you until I was sure you were okay.”
Something about that statement was like a bucket of ice water dumped over my head. It was because of a promise to my brother that he provided aftercare? No, I refused to believe it. This was him pushing me away again. The high from our scene was over and he was back to hurting me to get me to walk away from him. Nothing had changed at all.
