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He turned around without another word and walked toward where my clothes were crumpled up in a corner. He looked a little embarrassed when he noticed my torn pajama shirt but stayed silent. He held out my pants for me but was still looking away.
I scrambled to my feet, ignoring the soreness and slight dizziness, and ripped my pajama pants out of Emerson’s hands. He looked shocked as I raced to get them on, but I no longer felt right being naked in front of him.
“Jett—” he started, and I almost faltered. He said my name.
But then I noticed the resigned look in Emerson’s eyes. He wasn’t having second thoughts. He was about to apologize again.
“If you’re about to say you’re sorry, don’t bother.”
The pain in his expression surprised me. “You said I didn’t hurt you.”
I scrunched my nose, trying to process what was happening here. When it hit me, I laughed in disbelief. “That’swhat you’re about to apologize for? For the sex? I swear, you’re so freaking clueless. Emerson, don’t dare say you’re sorry or I will lose it. You think that wasn’t the most amazing thing that ever happened in my life? Gods, aren’t you like fourth in command at Strongfire? Does Orion know how dense you are?”
Emerson’s expression turned deadly. It was better than the pathetic lamb look though. “Watch yourself, omega.”
I scoffed. “Why? What are you going to do? I’m not yours, remember? You’re going to tell Orion on me? Fine. I’dloveto be there for that conversation and see which one of us turns out on the wrong side of this.”
The alpha took a step toward me, and I actually thought he was going to—well, I didn’t actually know what I thought, just that he would do something violent. Instead, he clenched his fists.
“I don’t need to keep explaining myself to you.” His voice was cold and unattached, no emotion. It felt like a stone dropping into my gut. “This was clearly a mistake. I told you I’d give you this and then we’re done. I held up my end of the bargain. Will you hold up yours?”
I angrily blinked back tears, refusing to let them fall in front of him. “I hope you look back on this day and think of it as the biggest mistake of your life, Emerson.”
The alpha let out a huff of breath, and a flash of emotion spread across his features before he schooled them. I saw it though. “It’s better this way. Safer.”
I stepped closer, tipping my head up so I was staring into his blank gray-blue eyes. How could one person’s eyes change from being the warmest, brightest things in my life to the coldest in mere hours? “Safer for me or for you?”
That got to him. I could tell. “Both of us.” At least he didn’t deny he was protecting himself too. Though, what he thought he was protecting me from, I had no idea since he refused to tell me.
We watched each other, neither of us moving. I didn’t even pray for him to change his mind. I knew it wasn’t happening. Yet, I still couldn’t be the one to leave first. He had to walk away yet again. I’d never turn away. He needed to understand that.
Finally, it happened, and it hurt more than expected. I thought I’s steeled myself, but nothing prepared me for the moment he turned his back on me and walked to the door. He paused, his hand on the handle, and the tiniest flicker of hope was immediately snuffed out when he clicked open the lock and walked out without turning around.
I didn’t know how I got back in my room, but I somehow managed it before I broke down and cried for Emerson Winston for the second time in one day. I vowed to myself that it would be the last.
CHAPTER11
Emerson
My feet achedfrom walking so long, especially in these shoes that were not made for such activities. It wasn’t like I had much of a choice though. I was in no state to drive and I could not go back there. I should have called for a car, but after I left Jett and bolted to my hotel room, all I could think about was getting as far away from there as fast as possible. I grabbed a bottle from the dry bar and started my self-imposed walk of shame without bothering to change my sex-soaked clothes.
It was by some miracle that the only people who saw me were the late-night security and the one overnight concierge, but they knew how to be discreet. The assholes who called themselves my peers, not so much.
When I left the hotel, my plan had been to walk home and send someone to pick up my belongings and car in the morning. But as the sun started to peek through the trees on the horizon and three quarters of the bottle was empty, I couldn’t bring myself to head that way.
I was standing in front of the cemetery that housed our family plot. My mother’s, brother’s, and father’s graves were right here, their remains buried inside the stone walls and my family name carved on the side.
My feet took me to the plot without me having to think about it. I was very familiar with the layout and route, as I spent many days and nights here after my mother passed. Because all my family was technically buried within the walls of the locked mausoleum, I had made sure each of them had a small token that represented them on the outside of the walls. There was so much life and heartbreak that the marble would never be able to represent on its own. It never felt right, paying my respects to the tomb. Their individual tokens did. They felt like them.
I lightly touched my father and brother’s markers, saying hello, but then plopped in front of the vines of holly that represented my mother.
She always loved her gardens, so I made sure I replaced the plants with her favorite from each season as the year went on. She would never have allowed dying or wilted plants, and I took care to make sure they were tended for her in the afterlife as well.
The ground was wet and it was soaking through my thousand-dollar suit, but I didn’t care. The pants were already ruined anyway. I took another swing of the bottle.
“Ironic that I come to the strongest omega I ever knew when I’m running away from the one I can’t seem to stop hurting, huh?”
There was no answer, of course, but a gust of wind came from nowhere and brushed over my shoulders. It meant nothing, I was sure, but I couldn’t help but take it as a sign that Mother was listening.
