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He couldn’t put Ivy off any longer. It wasn’t fair to her and it wasn’t right.
She was coming over tonight for dinner. He didn’t think she’d end up staying long once he was done talking to her.
He picked up a pizza on the way. No reason to starve.
When the door opened at six, he had the food still sitting on the counter.
Ivy came over and reached up to hug him. There was a smile on her face. One that reached her eyes.
He was having his doubts and almost chickened out on his conversation.
He was going to blindside her, he knew.
She gave him a kiss that he didn’t return much.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Did something happen at work? Something bad or sad?”
It didn’t even occur to her what he was going to say.
“No,” he said. “Just busy. We should talk though.”
Her shoulders dropped. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Why would you say that?” He didn’t want her to feel like that.
“Because you’ve been distant. I just figured it’s work related. I know a lot is going on and you’re busy. I’m trying to give you space. I mean I haven’t been nagging you, have I? Just tell me if I am.”
He ground his teeth. “No,” he said. “You’re not. It’s not you.”
“Are you kidding me?” she asked. Her hands went to her hips. “Are you going to give me this whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ spiel?”
“It’s the truth,” he said.
She snorted. The tears came into her eyes and he realized that it might be the first time he’d seen her cry. Not sniffle and control it, but full-out cry like the tears were ready to spill out right now.
She’d said she was clingy and emotional, but he hadn’t seen any of that in the months they’d been together.
“No,” she said. “It’s not. That is what a guy says when he’s feeling the pressure. When he isn’t ready to commit. I know where you stand. I’ve known it all along. You haven’t made one secret about it.”
“That’s right,” he said. “I haven’t.”
“Then what is going on? I haven’t asked for more, have I?”
There went the first tear out of her bright blue eyes. “I said I didn’t want a relationship,” he said. “And yet here I am going to family holidays with you and you spending the night on the weekends. You could have gotten pregnant!”
Her eyes went wide. “Any time you have sex with someone there is a chance of that happening because accidents happen,” she said. “So are you going to turn into a monk now? I mean we know I’m not getting pregnant because we’d have to have sex for that and we haven’t since that night. But again, I’m not getting pregnant because I’m on birth control. I told you that. I don’t want to have anything happen any more than you.”
“I know,” he said, running his hands through his hair. Why was this so hard?
In his mind it went much smoother than this. It was much easier.
“You could have said no when I asked you to go to Easter dinner, but you didn’t.”
She had a point.Heactually brought it up. She said what she was doing and asked if he wanted to go or if he was going to his parents. It never came up that they should spend it together.
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings,” he said.
She wiped her eyes. “But it’s okay to do it now? I wouldn’t have been upset over Easter. I get it. This is all more than you wanted, but you’re doing a shitty job of showing you don’t want it.”
