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“Yeah, that might be true,” Warwick avoided my eyes. “But I’d rather be safe than sorry.”
He’d know if he ever found out about the baby. “Yeah, I agree, I guess.”
Why did Warwick not make eye contact with me? What was he hiding? My mind raced as I tried to figure out what he was keeping from me. Maybe it was nothing, but my gut told me it felt like something. I just had no idea what.
How do I even know I can trust this guy anyway?All I really know about him is what he’s told me, and that isn’t much. Chemistry is not trust!
I slumped down in my chair and felt miserable. My mind began running through all of the reasons why I’d trusted Warwick prematurely. After all, other than taking me out of an arranged marriage, what was so great about him? Why was I so in love with him?
I had no idea what the answer was, but no matter how hard my mind fought to separate me from Warwick, I kept coming back to the same thing. I trusted him, and I loved him. I just wished I could call my mom and talk to her. I needed someone’s perspective other than my own negative thoughts.
When Warwick went for a trail run later that afternoon, I gave in to desire and heartache and dialed my mom’s number from the disposable phone. I planned to let her answer and then hang up on her just to hear her voice, but when her soft “hello” came through the earpiece, my fingers refused to hit the end button.
“Hello?” she said again, a bit louder.
“Mommy?” I whispered.
“Sarah?”
“Yeah. It’s me,” I said and burst into tears.
“Where are you? What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?” my mom asked anxiously.
“No, Mommy, I just miss you.”
“Are you safe?”
“Yes,” I said firmly. “Am I ever going to get to come home?”
“Yes, baby, you are. Pauly was arrested. But now the news says the police may have messed up the case. It’s big news,” Mom said.
“I heard,” I said. “So what now?”
My mom sighed. “I have no idea. Your father told me I should leave town just in case Pauly retaliates and believes that we snitched on him.”
“You guys?” I asked incredulously. “It was probably his carelessness that got him arrested. Why would he even think someone snitched on him?”
“Well,” said my mom slowly. “That’s the word your dad is getting. Who? I don’t know or why. But the last thing in the world I want is to be collateral damage for someone else who had a beef with that awful man.”
“Are you going to leave?” I asked.
I imagined my mom alone, in a hotel, as she waited for this to pass, just like I was. She’d be terrified. Marriage and my father were all my mom had known since she was eighteen. She wasn’t equipped to be alone at this stage of her life. I contemplated the possibilities, and the fear rose as I deliberated what to do.
“I think so, yes,” she said.
“Where will you go?”
“It’s better if I don’t tell anyone,” she said. “Don’t worry. I’ll get a disposable phone and message you when I get there. Your dad said that if this nightmare ever blows over, he wants you to come home. He knows he was wrong for what he did and hopes you can forgive him.”
I sobbed louder. “I do, Mom. I just want to come home.”
“I know, pumpkin. Have faith. It’ll work itself out, I hope.”
“Me too,” I sniffled.
“So,” My mom forced herself to sound happy. “Are you safe? Eating well? Looking after yourself?”
I rubbed my belly. Should I just tell her? She was going to be a grandmother and the realization that she might not get to see her grandkid pummeled me in the stomach like a sucker punch. Yes, I had known there would be issues, but the thought of Pauly retaliating for my parent's snitching was insane. If something happened to my parents, I vowed to find out who snitched and caused the tragedy and take care of them myself.
