AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“But I don’t think I’m going to stop.”
My heart thudded in my chest. I swallowed hard, nodding once at him. “I don’t want you to stop.”
Another moment passed that felt like an eternity. Rome leaned in even closer, hanging in the space in front of me for just a second before closing the gap.
He pressed his lips to mine. I wasn’t able to think about anything—not the brewery, not the time of year, not any of the shit that Rome and I had been worrying about for weeks, now.
All I felt was his warmth. The slow movement of his mouth on mine as he opened to me, and the rush of wet heat when his tongue slid against mine. I felt like something inside me had just been let off a leash. My teeth found his lower lip and I bit down gently, pulling and sucking on him like he was mine.
He moaned against me, softly enough that no one would hear it but me. But it went straight through me like lightning. A deep, primal need for this man, that I knew would never be fulfilled.
“Fuck,” I whispered against his lips as he pulled away. “Fuck, I want this.”
“I want it, too.”
Slowly, the world returned to my attention. The bar, the ambient noise, the entire reality of what we were doing. His eyes flared as he held my gaze, and I knew he must feel the same way.
For a moment, the kiss had felt like a green light.Go, go, go.
Now, I realized what it had actually been: a bookend.
I was never going to get to be with Rome, and this kiss wasn’t going to change that. His hand slipped away next, and then he broke my gaze, turning to his whiskey and polishing off the rest of it in one sip.
And then he was standing up. Dropping cash on the bar. And looking at me, one last time.
“Thank you, Casey,” he said. “You’ve meant more to me than you could ever know.”
I wanted to scream as I watched him walk off toward the front doors of the brewery, but I was silent and stunned the whole time. How could I chase after someone who didn’t want me? Orcouldn’twant me, no matter how badly we both wished it were different?
The door shut behind him, and I watched the slow pattern of the multicolored twinkling lights that were strung above the door.
Like I was dazed. Here, but not here at all.
* * *
It seemed like a bitter irony that an hour later, as I was walking home in the cold, my phone buzzed with a call from Justin.
I picked up, holding the phone against my ear as I crossed Spruce Street, walking under lights and garlands that I knew Rome had put up.
“Hey, Justin,” I said, trying to add some pep to my voice that wasn’t coming easily.
“Case,” he said, chipper as ever. “Hey, man. What’s up over there?”
“Just walking home from the brewery near me,” I said.
“I bet Jade River is even more decked out with Christmas spirit now, huh?”
I peered across the street toward the small brick theater building. “There’s a group of teenagers literally practicing Christmas carols in front of the local theater, so yes, I’d say peak Christmas is very much here.”
“I love it,” Justin said. “I’m in Las Vegas right now, and there’s definitely a lot of spirit here, too. But more of a gamble for Santa vibe than a small-town cheer vibe, for sure.”
I mustered a laugh. Thoughts of Rome were still swirling in my mind, making me feel at war even though I was talking to my best friend.
Just be honest with him, I told myself, even though in some ways it was impossible.
“I, uh, actually ran into your dad at the brewery tonight,” I said.
Even if I couldn’t be completely honest, I could at least tell Justin most of the truth.
