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“That’s all any of us can do, Cam, and you’re doing great.” I assured him.
“I just hope I can be good enough to be there for Maddie. She’s going to need all of us, and I’m so scared I’ll let her down.”
“You won’t, and if things get close, we’re there. That’s why our relationship is going to be so strong, because we all have each other to fall back on. We’ve got you, brother, and we’ve got Maddie. We’re gonna be okay, just like Nico said.”
“Damned right,” Hunter agreed as he slapped me on the back.
MADDIE
“Hey, you,” I greeted Ev as I dropped to my knees at the side of his headstone. “I’ll bet you’re reeling a little, huh? You don’t see or hear from a girl for thirteen years and then here she is entrusting her child to you,” I laughed flatly.
“You’ll take care of him for me, won’t you?” I asked through my tears. “You’re the only one I trust to do it, Ev. If he can’t be here with me, then I need him to be safe with you. Please. I know we haven’t seen each other in so long, but I loved you Everett. I’ve always loved you, just like I loved them too.” I looked over to where the guys were waiting near the cars with Sam and Garth. They were watching me with concern, but respecting my need for this time alone.
“Cam’s doing so much better. He goes to therapy every week and he’s starting the new office with Nico. He’s trying, and I think he’s going to be okay. I’ll take care of him. I’ll take care of all of them, well, as much as I can. You know what they’re all like,” I laughed a little at that.
“I just…I need you to take care of Noah for me in return. I don’t know why he was taken from me. I don’t know why I can’t have him here with me. It hurts, Ev. It hurts so much to have him taken from me. I don’t want to bury him in the ground like this,” I whimpered. “But I can do it if I know he’s not really here. I can let him go if I know he’s in a better place with you. Please, just love him like I love him and keep him safe for me until it’s my time to see you again. Please Ev.”
I wasn’t really one to believe in ghosts, or messages from the other side, but when a tiny bird fluttered and landed on the top of the headstone at that very moment, I gasped and sat perfectly still staring at it. It turned to study me, dipped it’s head a little, almost like it gave me a tiny nod, then it flew off again, taking off high into the sky. Maybe it was just a bird, landing at that exact moment by chance, but I took it as a sign from Everett.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I looked back to the headstone tearfully. “I love you, Ev, and I miss you so much.” I kissed my palm and lay it over the engraved letters of his name.
“And I love you Noah, more than words can say.” I kissed my palm again, laying it over the plaque with Noah’s name on it as tears flooded down my face.
I had buried my son, and accepted the fact I would never get to lay eyes on him again. It didn’t ease the pain within me, or fill in the huge hole in my heart that was made the second the doctor told me my son was dead. I had no idea how I was supposed to keep going; keep breathing now without him, but I knew I had to. I had a beautiful daughter and four amazing men counting on me to do just that and I knew I had to do it for them.
***
We decided to stay another night in the hotel in Washington. I wasn’t in any state to face my child after the funeral, and the guys were exhausted too.
We’d parted ways with Sam and Garth in the hotel lobby, agreeing to meet back there the next morning to head home, then the guys and I had gone up to the suite on the top floor together. My tears had stopped, but the pain had not. I was exhausted and completely drained mentally.
The guys were worried about me, and had said as much. I’d told them that I was okay, but that I needed the rest of the day to just mourn. I promised them I’d try harder the next day, but for that afternoon, I was just done.
Thankfully, they understood. When we got back to our room, we changed into comfy clothes and curled up together on the biggest bed to just hold each other, with some movies on in the background. I alternated between feeling completely numb, and crying, deep wracking sobs. Now and then I cried myself to sleep for a little while before I would leap up from a nightmare and cry all over again.
At some point the guys ordered room service and forced me to eat a few bites and drink some water, but for the most part they just allowed me to have the meltdown I needed.
I must have fallen asleep again eventually, because the next time I awoke the room was in darkness, the TV no longer on in the background, and most of the guys had cleared out. I looked up and found I was snuggled into Nico’s side, my head on his chest.
“Hey,” he whispered, obviously not asleep. It was too dark to make out his features, so I snuggled against him again instead.
“Hey. Where are the others?” I asked sleepily.
“I sent them to get some sleep in the other rooms. They were exhausted.”
“Aren’t you exhausted too?” I asked.
“I was sleeping too, but I felt you tense when you woke up,” he explained.
“You’re a light sleeper, huh?”
“Yeah. A habit left over from the military,” he sighed. “Plus I never sleep well in hotels. They never feel secure enough if you ask me.”
“Well those are comforting words from the security expert,” I laughed dryly.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. You’re safe with me. I’ll never let anyone hurt you,” he assured me.
“I know that. I always feel safe with you,” I told him.
