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Willow nodded with a wide grin, then looked around, confused.
“Mommy where are we?” she asked.
“We’re at the hospital, honey. We had to check you were feeling okay when we found you. How do you feel?” I asked.
“It hurts up here,” she groaned as she pointed to her head, and my tummy too.”
“I’ll get a doctor,” Cam said as he left my side and headed for the door.
“And I’ll find a bucket,” Nico added as he left too, making me laugh. Willow had traumatized the poor guy the day she threw up all over him.
Willow sat up a little and looked around again. When she saw Sam and Garth her eyes lit up. “Sam! Do you gots cookies?” she asked.
“No, little miss, but I promise to bake you every kind you want when we get back home. How does that sound?” he offered as he stepped forward.
“I likes cookies!” Willow agreed as she looked to me mischievously. Then her face dropped, her lip wobbling as tears filled her eyes.
“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked as I leaned into hug her close.
“Mr. Roar. Daddy….he…he putted him in the fire and he’s all gone!” she wailed, then she clung to me as she cried hard.
That bastard! I’d kill him all over again given the opportunity! How could he be so evil? To his own daughter too.
“No, munchkin. I don’t believe that. Mr. Roar was the most awesome Lion ever. I’m sure he just did some magic to make himself disappear. We just need to find him again,” Hunter told her, and while I appreciated him trying to comfort her, I had no idea what we would do when we didn’t actually find the toy for her. I looked to him with raised eyebrows and he just smiled.
“You think so, mommy?” Willow sniffled as she looked up at me.
“Well, he was the most awesome lion, wasn’t he?” I hedged.
“Yep. Can you finds him, Hunter?” she asked as she turned to him.
“Of course I can. I’m a superhero, remember?” Willow smiled and clapped her hands a little. “You just give me a little time, okay?” Hunter requested.
“Okay,” Willow agreed happily. I just really hoped he had some kind of miracle he was about to work, because I didn’t even want to think about how upset Willow would be otherwise.
***
The next few days were tough. Willow was released from the hospital after one night of observation. Physically she was fine just as soon as the drugs were out of her system, apart from a few small bruises and scrapes. But the real damage Edward had caused was all mental. Willow was scared to sleep alone, so she had spent each night curled up beside me in my bed. She was much clingier with all of us than she had been before too, refusing to be more than a few feet from any of us at any time. It was completely understandable after what she had been through. I was so angry with Edward for doing what he’d done to his own child. How could he? At three years old she was waking, screaming, from nightmares. She was terrified, and it was all because of him and his selfish, idiotic actions. A huge part of me really wished he’d still been alive when I walked into that house he had been in, so I could have laid into him.
The investigation into his death had been closed, and the guys assured me there wouldn’t be any repercussions from it. The investigation into Frank was still ongoing, but of course he would never face the punishment for any crimes he committed anyway, now he was dead.
I sighed deeply as I mulled all of this over. I had found a rare moment alone, Cam and Kai keeping Willow busy with a huge tub of craft supplies they had ordered for her. She was in the kitchen, laughing and chatting away happily as she made some creation covered with glitter and sparkly paper. I could hear her from where I laid out on a lounger beside the pool.
I had just needed some time alone. Willow had barely left my side for the days since we got back from the hospital, and that wasn’t just because she was being clingy – it was because I couldn’t stand to have her out of my sight after the fear of losing her.
The guys had all been amazing. Sam too. They had rallied around Willow and I, doing their best to keep us busy and to make us both smile. It helped more than they could know for me to see Willow smiling and laughing with them each morning after I had been up all night with her nightmares. They did everything they could to make her feel safe and to keep her busy so she wouldn’t dwell on what she’d been through. They’d gone a little crazy with gifts for her, but I couldn’t object when everything they gave her made her smile so brightly.
Then, that morning as we arrived in the kitchen for breakfast, Willow had left her seat beside me at the table and gone to help Sam make breakfast for the first time since Edward took her. She chatted away to him as she worked beside him, and the guys and I all shared smiles as we listened and watched, relieved she was feeling more comfortable.
So when the craft supplies arrived and Willow asked Kai and Cam to help her, I felt able to slip away. I was close enough to hear her if she needed me.
In all of the worry and chaos of the last few days I hadn’t had time to think about Noah, nor to deal with my grief over losing him. I missed him, That was what kept on going through my mind. I wanted to hold him again. I wanted him to be with me.
The anger over the unfairness of him being taken from me, plagued me, as did the guilt that I just couldn’t seem to get over – guilt that his death was solely on my shoulders. I couldn’t stop going over and over the days before, trying to work out what I had done wrong. Was it because I was so stressed out? Was it because I didn’t eat enough, or sleep enough? Was it what Edward did to me earlier in the pregnancy? Would my son be with me at that moment if I had just been brave enough to escape Edward the day I found out I was pregnant again?
“Hey, what’s wrong, sweetheart?” I looked up, startled by Nico’s voice, and found him standing over me. He was dressed in shorts and a black polo t-shirt, his Ray Bans hiding his eyes from me. It was odd to see him looking so relaxed and casual. I had never seen him in shorts before, except for when he changed for bed.
“Huh?”
