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“You’re crying?” he perched on the lounger beside me and cupped my face in his hand, swiping at a tear with his thumb.
“I’m okay,” I assured him as I sat up and swiped the tears from my face.
“You can talk to me, Maddie,” he sighed.
“I was just thinking about Noah,” I admitted. “I miss him.”
“You don’t need to hide your feelings from us. You’ve been through so much. I don’t know how you’re staying as strong as you are. You amaze me,” he told me.
“I don’t feel strong.” Tears filled my eyes and my throat tightened with emotion. “I feel like a wreck, Nico. I lost Noah, then I almost lost Willow too. I w-was so scared,” I whimpered.
“I know, sweetheart. I was too.” He pulled me into his arms and held me against his chest. “But Willow is here and she’s safe.”
“I know,” I agreed. “But she’s not okay. Her nightmares are terrifying and she’s not herself. I’m so worried about what all of this will do to her.”
“It will take time, but we’ll make sure she gets through it, Maddie. She has regular appointments with Dr. Finn to process it all properly, and she has all of us. We’ll make her feel safe and keep her happy and eventually the memories of what that bastard put her through will fade. She’ll be okay, sweetheart.”
“I can’t believe my three year old daughter needs therapy. How did I fuck everything up so badly?”
“No, Maddie. This isn’t on you. What happened to Willow was all down to Edward. He was a monster, and I’m just grateful him and his sonofabitch father are gone from this earth,” Nico growled.
“I married that monster, Nico!” I cried as I sat up and looked at him. “I stayed the first time he hit me, and for years and years after that. I had a child with him, knowing what he was!”
“Maddie…”
“No, Nico! It is my fault. It’s my fault he hurt Willow! It’s my fault he took her and traumatized her! I should have walked away so long ago, but I was too much of a damned coward and now my daughter is a wreck and my son is in the fucking ground!” I was yelling by the time I finished, my chest heaving with the exertion and the anger flowing through me. “I killed him,” I squeaked as all of the fire disappeared. I buried my face in my hands and started to cry. “I killed Noah.”
Nico moved closer to me on the lounger, then he lifted me up and set me down in his lap, surrounding me with his huge arms.
“Maddie. What happened to Noah was not your fault. The doctor said it happens sometimes. It’s so fucking unfair, and completely heart breaking, but it is not your fault. Do you hear me?”
“Edward kicked me, Nico…that last night. He laid into me. What if…?”
“No,Amore Mio. You protected the baby from him. You had two sonograms after that, and saw the doctor and she assured you the baby was doing just fine. Losing Noah wasn’t your or anyone’s fault. It just happened. You cannot blame yourself for any of this. You did the best you could in a really shitty situation. You protected Willoe from Edward and when you couldn’t do that any longer, you got her the hell out of there. Listen to her, Maddie,” Nico said. I lifted my head enough to hear my daughter laughing uproariously from the kitchen. “She’s happy and safe, and she is going to stay that way, because we are all going to make sure of it.”
“I just want her to have a better life than I had. I want her to have a real childhood, filled with happy memories,” I sniffled. So far all I had given her was nightmares.
“She will. You don’t have to do it alone anymore. She has all of us to give her that life and those memories now. I get that our relationship is new and uncertain, but we love you both so much, and I know we have an amazing future together, ahead of us. We’re gonna make those happy memories for you too. You’ll see,” Nico assured me.
His words were a balm to my frayed soul, and I reached up and kissed him, the taste of my tears between us as my lips tangled with his. He wrapped his hand in my hair and adjusted the angle of my head so he could deepen the moment and I went with it, needing him.
As the passion between us rose, I found myself straddling his thighs and tugging at the hem of his shirt, not caring about where we were and who could see and hear us, just desperate for the feel of his skin against mine. When I was with them, the pain was less and I needed the reprieve I knew I would feel if I could get Nico naked against me.
But before I lost all sense, the moment was broken by Willow squealing loudly. I instantly pulled away from Nico and scrambled to get to my feet. I tried to run to my daughter and almost tripped over Nico’s feet in the process.
“Slow down!” Nico chuckled as he caught me before I landed on my face. He set me on my feet and turned me to face him. “She’s okay, Maddie. That sounded like an excited squeal,” he assured me.
I paused and listened, then took a breath when I heard her excitedly chattering away. She was okay.
“I should check on her,” I told Nico as I looked to him with some embarrassment.
“Come on then.” He stood and wrapped his arm around me, leading me towards the open sliding doors into the kitchen.
My eyes instantly searched out my daughter. She was in Hunter’s arms beside the table where she had been playing with Kai and Cam. She had glitter all over her forehead and hands, and I winced when I realized Hunter was in a designer suit. It was going to be covered in glitter and glue.
He had been at the office all day – his first day back at work since we lost Noah. He had been reluctant to go, but the others assured him they would stay with us and that we would all be fine.
“Mommy” Look! Hunter founded Mr. Roar!” Willow cried with delight as she held up an exact replica of her stuffed Lion.
