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I checked her nightlight was on and Mr. Roar was at her side, then slipped from the room, pulling the door between our rooms to, but not fully closing it. I had the tablet that Kai had given me, with the monitor on, in my room, but I wanted to know I could hear her if that failed, and she needed me.
Feeling completely exhausted and still pretty unsteady from the issues with my damned blood pressure, I slipped off the dress I had been wearing and cranked up the shower in my bathroom.
Studying myself in the mirror over the sinks I took in the dark purple, green, and black bruising that covered my right side and back. It was all still pretty painful, but I knew it would heal and fade eventually. Seeing it just hardened my resolve to be more careful and make sure I never put myself or my children in that position ever again.
I kept my shower short, knowing the heat and steam would just make me feel even more lightheaded if I stood there for too long. I hurried through washing myself and my hair, then stepped out and wrapped myself in one of the thick, fluffy, lemon-colored towels. I didn’t take the fact I was living in the lap of luxury, thanks to the guys, for granted. They had done all they could to make sure Willow and I were comfortable and had all we could possibly need, and I appreciated it. I really did. I just wasn’t allowing it to make up for what they had done to me the night they left thirteen years earlier. Nothing could ever make up for that.
I slipped into the closet and found another beautiful set of soft cotton pajamas, that the guys had bought for me, in one of the drawers. This pair were lilac and pink, with little hearts printed all over both the shorts and t-shirt. They were the maternity kind, so they fit over my bump comfortably and felt so soft against my skin and sensitive bruising.
I was just slipping into the soft bed, planning to watch a movie on the TV in there before I went to sleep, when there was a soft knock on the door.
I wanted to ignore it, feeling too tired and raw to deal with whoever stood there, but I couldn’t do that. They had been so good to me and I refused to be rude, so I jumped up and walked over, opening the door just enough to peek out.
“Hey,” Hunter stood there in checked lounge pants and a plain black t-shirt. He had changed from the slacks and white shirt he had been wearing when I left him in the living room. “Is the munchkin asleep?” he asked.
“Yeah. You guys wore her out. Thanks for keeping her entertained,” I replied.
“More like she was keeping us entertained,” he laughed. “Listen, Kai and I were wondering if we could talk?”
“I’m tired, Hunt,” I sighed.
“It won’t take long. We just wanted to clear the air. Kai spoke with Cam and he agreed we could tell you everything.”
“Everything?” I questioned.
“Why we left that night. You should know, Maddie. I think it’s important we get it all out there if we’re gonna make this work with you living here.”
“Okay,” I agreed. I wasn’t sure I was really in the right head space to hear it all, but they were offering me answers I had been waiting thirteen years to hear. I wasn’t going to turn that down. “I’ll meet you down there. Just give me a few minutes,” I told him. He nodded, so I closed the door and went to the closet to grab a sweater. I didn’t feel comfortable having this serious conversation in just heart PJs.
I pulled out the hoody Nico had leant to me the day we left him. I hadn’t washed it and it still smelled faintly of his sandalwood aftershave. I missed him.
Yes he had been my boss when I worked at Milite, but I had never really seen him that way. He had been my friend. He was always kind and patient with me, understanding when I wasn’t in the mood to talk after some awful run in with Edward, or when I needed cheering up, or just to laugh. He had been a light in the darkness of my existence, and along with Willow and my friend, Emilia, he had gotten me through the tough times.
We had spoken every day since I got there, him wanting to check in with us, and that helped. I had confided in him about my messed up feelings for the guys and he had listened, but kept his opinions out of it, telling me to just follow my own feelings. He had plans to come here and visit us in a few days and I couldn’t wait for him to arrive. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel safe with the guys. I did. I knew, no matter what, they would protect Willow and I, but I just didn’t know them, not the way I knew Nico. I did once, but not anymore.
Nico’s hoody was huge on me, falling to my knees like a dress, but I didn’t care. It covered me and having the faint hint of his smell around me would help me get through this conversation I was about to have.
I picked up the tablet the guys had given me and checked the image of my daughter before leaving my room. She was fast asleep, Mr. Roar clutched to her chest. She looked so peaceful, but the cast on her arm was a reminder of all I had put her through.
While she had hardly mentioned her father or what he had done to her that night, I knew it was affecting her based on the nightmares she was still suffering with. Not a night had passed since we left Edward that she hadn’t woken sobbing and crying out.
Hunter had done some research and found a child trauma counsellor who had excellent credentials and references. Willow had an appointment to meet with her for the first time the following week, and while I hated knowing she needed that kind of help, I was grateful to Hunter and the others for giving it to her. I didn’t want her to be permanently traumatized by that one event.
I tucked the tablet under my arm and left the room, grateful Kai had thought to put the monitor in Willow’s room. It was a big house, and I would never have been able to relax without the knowledge I would hear her instantly if she needed me or awoke from another nightmare.
The house was silent as I moved down the stairs and towards the living room where I guessed the guys would be sat. I felt like such an interloper as I moved through the lavish hallway, the cold marble floor under my feet. I didn’t belong there. I didn’t belong anywhere.
Kai and Hunter were spread out on the sectional when I walked in, both focused on the sports highlights quietly playing on the television.
They must have heard me approaching, though I had no idea how since I was pretty sure I hadn’t made a sound, but they both turned at the same time to look at me as I nervously tiptoed into the room.
“Hey,” Kai greeted me. “Come sit down.” He patted the seat between them, but I opted to drop down into the armchair opposite them instead. I wanted to keep a clear head for this discussion and that was impossible to do when I was near any of them. It always had been. Being close to any one of them addled my thoughts and left me dizzy.
“Where’s Cam?” I asked as I nervously toyed with the tablet that sat in my lap.
“He didn’t want to be here for this. It’s hard for him,” Hunter replied.
“But it’s not hard for the two of you?” I questioned as I looked between them. They had both sat up now and looked tense as their focus turned squarely on me.
