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“No one needs me. She’s better off if I stay far away.”
“So you don’t have feelings for her anymore?” he pushed.
“No.”
“Bullshit. I’ve seen the way you look at her. You love her just as much as you always did.”
“Yeah, maybe I do,” I agreed, sighing, and crossing my arms over my chest, feeling anxious and eager to get away from this whole conversation. “But it doesn’t fucking matter, does it? I’m fucked up Kai. I’m no good for her.”
“We’re all fucked up, bro. Maddie too, but we need each other. We always needed each other. We never should have left her and we have to make up for that, starting with the fucking truth,” he growled.
“But we’re not all fucking here, are we?” I spat back, angrily, raising my voice.
A whimper from behind me, had me turning. Willow was in Sam’s arms, her little arms gripped tightly around his neck as she looked to us both with nothing but fear.
“It’s okay, darling girl. Cameron’s not angry, are you Cam?” Sam asked as he sent me a glare. Seeing her so filled with fear and knowing I’d put it there broke me again. Knowing it would be better if I just got far away from her, from all of them, I stormed through the sliding doors, slamming it shut behind me, daring Kai to try and follow me. I was right. No one fucking needed me. I was too messed up. All I could ever give them is pain and fear.
MADDIE
I avoided the guys for the rest of the day. By the time I returned downstairs, Sam had already fed Willow dinner and she was sat on the floor in the living room, with Hunter and Kai, building a zoo for the hundreds of model animals she now owned.
It was hard to hold onto my anger with Kai and Hunter when I stood and watched how much patience they had with my very demanding daughter. They followed her every command, smiling at her indulgently when she told them they did something wrong, or laughed at them because they had put the wrong animals together. How could any woman be mad with men who behaved in that way?
I had been forced to walk away before it affected me anymore, venturing into the kitchen instead. Sam had gone home for the night, but he had left me a plate of risotto to reheat and a delicious looking mini chocolate torte for dessert. I skipped the main, and instead sat and devoured the dessert. It was the most amazing thing I think I had ever eaten and I was already planning how to convince Sam to make it again, as soon as possible.
I made it to Willow’s bed time without seeing any of the guys, for which I was grateful. I collected her from the living room, telling her to say goodnight to Kai and Hunter, then waited as she did it, not once making eye contact with either of them.
I herded my daughter upstairs for her usual night time routine of a bath, pajamas, and then a story in bed.
“Mommy, you has to do the voices,” Willow interrupted as I turned the page of the story she had selected.
“Sorry honey. I forgot,” I told her as I tried to buck myself up enough to get through this damned book for my child. I was just so exhausted and stressed out with all that was going on, but it was no excuse. I needed to do better. I put on my best growly bear voice and continued on with the story, much to Willow’s delight.
“Mommy?” she asked as we came to the end. I placed the book down on her nightstand and leaned in closer to her.
“Yes, peanut?”
“I likes it here. Are we gonna stay here forever?” she asked.
“Not forever, honey, but for now we’re gonna stay here, okay?”
“Do we gots to go back home, to stay wiv daddy again?” she asked, fear very clear to see in her wide eyes.
“No Willow. We aren’t going to live with daddy again. When we leave here it will just be me, you and your baby brother or sister, okay?” I assured her as I smoothed a hand through her wild hair.
“Maybe we can just stay here, mommy? I likes Kai and Hunter and Sam. They’re nice to me.”
“We can’t stay here forever, honey. This isn’t our house. We’re just staying here for a while. Soon mommy will find our own place to live, okay? Maybe we’ll go back to Chicago and live near Nico and Aunt Mia. That would be good, right?”
“I miss them,” she agreed with a nod.
“Me too, but we’ll see them soon. I don’t want you to worry, okay? Mommy will fix everything and until I do, we like it here, don’t we?” I asked.
“Yeah. I likes it here,” she agreed with a yawn.
“Go to sleep, peanut. Love you,” I whispered as I tucked her in tightly and leaned in to kiss her temple.
“Love you too mommy,” she replied, her eyes already heavy.
