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“I need to know what happens now. I have to get home to my daughter,” I said as calmly as I could.
“We’ll need to deliver the baby. We’ll give you some tablets to induce labor, then it usually moves quite quickly after that,” she explained.
“Labor?” I swallowed past the huge lump in my throat and looked to the doctor. “I have to…to deliver the baby?”
“It’s the safest way,” she replied with a nod. I bit my lip to hold in the sob as more tears slipped free.
“Why can’t you just put Maddie to sleep and do a c-section?” Kai asked.
“We would only do that if Maddie had health complications that prevent her from giving birth naturally. Otherwise a natural delivery is the simplest and safest way.”
“Can I…do I g-get to bury my baby?” I asked.
“Of course. Once your baby is born you can have some time with him or her. If you want to bathe them and dress them, we can make that possible and our nurses can be there to help you or leave you to be alone with your child. When you’re ready we can deal with the remains if you prefer not to handle it, or you can make arrangements with a funeral home. We’ll be here to support you in whatever way you need, Maddie,” she assured me, but I didn’t feel very assured at the idea of a funeral home having my tiny baby’s body in their possession. It made me feel ill.
“Ev,” Cam whispered and I looked to him. “We can bury the baby with Ev. He or she will be safe with him.”
“Can we do that?” I asked hopefully as I looked between the others.
“Is he in Arlington?” Nico asked, and Cam nodded. “The rules are pretty tight there. I don’t know…”
“We’ll find a way, if that’s what you want, baby. I’ll see to it,” Hunter assured me, cutting off whatever Nico was about to say.
“I can’t bury my child alone. I don’t want them to be alone,” I whimpered. Sobs erupted from me and I was relieved when strong arms wrapped around me. I knew it was Kai by his aftershave and the feel of the scrubs he still wore. I grabbed at his arms and held on, terrified I’d never find my way out of the grief and back to him, if I didn’t.
“The baby won’t be alone, Maddie. We’ll make sure he or she is buried with Everett, okay?” Kai soothed.
I nodded and pulled back from his hold, fighting to breathe through my grief. I looked to the doctor again.
“When?”
“We usually like you to take a couple of days to deal with what’s happened before we induce you,” she replied and I was shaking my head.
“No. I don’t want that. We need to do this now,” I told her. I couldn’t go home and see my daughter, tell her what had happened to her baby brother or sister, then leave her in a couple of days all over again. I needed it done and I needed to get back to Willow.
“I can arrange that,” she agreed.
“Can the guys all be with me?” I asked, terrified she was going to say no. I needed them. I was drowning and they were the only thing keeping me afloat.
“Of course. You’ll be shown to one of our private suites and you can stay there as long as you want to. There will be a midwife with you for the delivery, but after that you can decide how much or how little support you want.”
“Okay,” I nodded. “Do you…will you know why? When he or she is born…will you know why they died?” I dared to ask.
“There are a number of reasons why this can happen. Some, like a birth defect or complications with the placenta, may be obvious at birth, but to be honest Maddie, most of the time we never get to know the reason for a still birth. It is possible to do additional tests if you feel you need to know, but I would consider that carefully, because there is a good chance you will never find out the cause, even after the additional tests.”
“I don’t want that…do I?” I looked to Nico, my lip trembling as my thoughts raced. “I don’t want someone prodding and poking my baby, do I?”
“It’s up to you, sweetheart, but if there’s a chance you’ll never know anyway, maybe we just lay the baby to rest. Knowing why won’t change anything in the end,” Nico soothed.
“I’ll make the arrangements for a suite for you, and I’ll be right back,” the Doctor told us, and then she was gone again.
“I don’t even have anything for him or her. She said I…I c-can bathe and dress my baby and I h-have nothing,” I whimpered as the tears started up again.
“I can call Sam. He could get some things and bring them,” Kai suggested.
“No. Let Sam stay with Willow. I’m gonna call Mia, okay Maddie? She’ll come right away and she can get what we need on the way. She can go to the house and help Sam with Willow too.”
“She doesn’t need to do that,” I sniffled.
