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I closed my eyes and fought to take in my next breath as the words ran around and around my head over again.
“Can’t you do something? You have to get the baby out and resuscitate it or something!” Hunter cried.
“The heartbeat was fine just a few minutes ago. How can this even happen?” Nico demanded.
“The baby has already gone. I can do a c-section quickly, but not quickly enough to save him or her. I’m so sorry,” the doctor explained.
“This is bullshit! You’re supposed to be the best, for fucks sake!” Hunter was angry, his default setting when he was emotional.
I forced myself to breathe in and open my eyes. I looked right to Hunter and his eyes met mine.
“It’s n-not her f-fault, Hunt,” I told him shakily. I didn’t add that it was mine, though. I didn’t think that would help him to calm down.
“I’ll leave you alone for a few minutes before we talk about what happens next.”
“Wait!” Hunter looked to the doctor nervously. “Is this…could this be because we had sex last night? Did I do this?” he asked shakily. The thought had crossed my mind too, bit I was sure it was safe to have sex when you were pregnant, wasn’t it?
“No,” the doctor smiled sympathetically. “Having sex would not cause this unless it got very wild?” She looked to me and I shook my head. “No one is to blame for this. Sadly, it just happens sometimes,” she added, and Hunt nodded and thanked her.
Doctor Andrews left the room, closing the door behind her, and I completely broke.
My entire body wracked with deep, desperate sobs for my baby and for the fact he or she would never take their first breath because of me – because I had failed to keep them safe and brought them into such chaos.
“Maddie.” I felt Nico sliding his hands beneath me, then he was sitting on the bed, cradling me in his lap, his arms wrapped tight around me. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he said, sounding as though he too were tearful.
“We’re here, baby. You’re not alone. We’re here with you,” Hunter added and I felt a hand rubbing up and down my back.
“Should we get a second opinion? What if she’s wrong?” Cam asked. I lifted my head enough to see him. He was stood at Hunters side and Hunt had an arm wrapped around him, comforting him as tears trickled down his cheeks.
“We s-saw the screen, Cam. She’s not wrong,” I whimpered. “I wish she were, b-but she’s not. My baby is gone.”
“This world is such bullshit!” Cam growled angrily, and I wasn’t going to argue with him. How could this be happening? How could my baby’s life be taken before he or she even got a chance to live? How was that fair?
“Are we ready to go have a baby?” Kai asked excitedly as he burst into the room in green scrubs and a clear plastic cap on his head. He was smiling and filled with so much excitement. A piece of me died forever in that moment as I realized one of us had to tell him what had happened.
Kai paused just inside the room and looked from me to the others. Hunter opened his mouth to explain, but I cut in. This was my fault. I didn’t take care of my baby inside me and now they were paying the price, just as Willow had when Edward hurt her. I was a failure as a mother.
“The baby’s g-gone. They can’t d-do anything. It’s too late,” I sniffled.
“What? No. The c-section….they said they were getting the baby out,” Kai argued.
“It was too late, brother. The baby was already gone by the time they did the sonogram. The Doctor can’t do anything else,” Hunter explained. His glassy eyes met mine and I broke all over again. All four of them were tearful and seeing them that way, these strong alpha men who always worked so hard to keep a lid on their emotions, it was more than I could handle.
“Hunt,” I gasped, forcing myself to speak and keep it together. “Get the doctor. I n-need to know what happens next. I need to get back to Willow.”
“Willow’s okay, sunshine. Sam and Garth will take good care of her,” Kai assured me as he approached the bed and stopped beside me. He moved to hug me, but I stopped him with a hand.
“Please…” I whimpered. “Please no one hug me right now. I…I can’t. I’m b-barely holding on.”
“It’s okay to not hold on, Mads. It’s okay to fall apart. You just lost your child,” Cam told me as he pulled away from Hunter and came to my other side.
“I can’t. Not now. Not here. I just need to get through this and get out of here,” I told them, hoping they’d understand and not think me heartless.
“I’ll get the Doctor,” Hunter said before leaving the room.
The room was silent once Hunter left, all of us lost in our own thoughts and sadness. The guilt inside of me was all consuming, and I was calling myself every name under the sun for allowing this to happen. Was it the last time Edward laid into me? Is that what had led to this? Was it the days I spent barely eating or sleeping afterwards? Would he or she have survived if I had come to the hospital the night before, when I was concerned? Whatever the cause, it was all my damned fault!
“Maddie, are you okay? Can we get you anything?” I snapped out of my thoughts and found Doctor Andrews at the foot of the bed. Hunter was back at Cam’s side too.
