Page 43 of What We Had


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“Not like that. I mean, she has to be, like, in your lap.”

Another meow. Damaged toy squeakers. “Um. Okay. How has she been since that last accident?”

Bennett finished getting all the different dips arrayed in front of me. One bowl included melted chocolate. “Pretty good. I have a whole area set up for her in the basement that she mostly stays in.” Patches padded slowly away from the stool, heading back toward the hallway.

Speaking of accidents.My eyes slid from Patches to the cabinet beneath the television. “Wouldn’t want any accidents again. I might…” I clicked my tongue. “I might go into the wrong side of the cabinet looking for candles.”

Bennett had his back to me when he froze. I watched him. Studied him. Saw the way his shoulders deflated, head lowering. “You went into theleftside.” It wasn’t a question.

“Mmhmm.”

His head went lower, then shook. “I should have told you the candles were on theright.”

“Mmhmmmm.”

“And you saw everything in there?”

“I believe yourspecificwords to me that day in the kitchen were, ‘What were you doing before all the accusations started flying?’ Well, now I guess you were quite aware of what I was doing before all the accusations started flying.”

I gambled on bringing this up. We had grown comfortable enough around each other that we could tease about certain topics while others, like how we ended, remained off in the distance. I hoped he heard the playfulness in my tone, that in reality, it didn’t bother me that he had lied. In fact, it made me appreciate his attention even more.

Bennett spun around. His cheeks weren’t red, but he had a fire in his eyes. What he said next had my eyes growing wider with every sentence. “I think it’s criminal that you didn’t get the award forMortal Evidence. It has to be one of the greatest miniseries of all time.” He shook his head. “I watchedPath of the Wickedat least a dozen times, not because it’s a good movie—because it’sawful—but because you looked like you were having fun the whole time. I watch it because Iknowyou. It reminds me that I know you and even when you’re acting, I can still see how you’re enjoying yourself.” He took a step toward the peninsula that separated us. “I thinkThe Fool’s Deceptionis so, so underrated that you deserved an award for that one, too.” He had his hands locked on the edge of the counter as he leaned over. “I’ve listened to every podcast you’ve ever been on. All the fitness ones where you chat with gym-bros about your workout routine.” He fished in his pocket, pulled out his phone and thumbed through a few screens, then showed me the opening frame of a video. “I’ve watched this way more than I care to admit.”

I recognized the still. A popular YouTube channel that interviewed celebrities in their homes while they gave a tour. “Is that the one where I’m shirtless for the second half?” They encouraged me to jump in my pool, then implored I stay in wet pants and give the rest of the tour shirtless and soaked. I had been cutting for a photo shoot, so the body looked just right.

“You were so funny in this. I mean, I even watched it to…” Bennett’s cheeks went nuclear red. He cut himself off before revealing too much. “I think you’re a phenomenal actor, Connor. I really don’t want to offend you, and I’ve seen plenty of interviews where you said you’re okay with the typecasting, but you areso muchbetter than what you’ve been given. You play the cop perfectly, but what you did inThe Fool’s Deception? You’re just… you’re… you’re incredible, Connor. Really. I can see when you choose to hold back emotions. You know when to use the right ones. Watching you is amazing.You’reamazing.”

My heart sank when it reminded me of something I repeatedly tried to hide.Then why did you leave me? Why didn’t you ever call? Is this regret that I’m hearing from you?

I summoned up all those acting chops Bennett swore by. Forced out the crestfallen attitude that fought for dominance on my face. I pushed away the negative thoughts. Focused on the good ones.

I reached across the countertop and grabbed his hand. “So you really have been watching this whole time.” I let the sentiment carry me away. Bennett had done more than just passively watch my film credits. He actively rewatched and analyzed. “I wish I knew.” That part was undeniably true. “I wish I knew you were always watching.”

His hand squeezed mine. “I’m watching now.” Shyness again. A few blinks, but nothing alarming. “Sorry for lying. And about the other thing…”

I sat up a little straighter. “What other thing?”

“The, um… phone.”

Took me a second, but I connected the dots. Slapped the table with an open palm and then pointed an accusatory finger. “I knew it! You faked not having my number, didn’t you? ‘New phone, who dis’ my ass!”

Megawatt Benny smile. The demon in my heart went back to sleep.

He ended it.

But I love him.

Will he end it again?

Shut up. It doesn’t matter.

“Sorry again,” he said, though the words completely belied his facial expression. He leaned back and gestured to the smorgasbord of carbs before us. “Okay. Let’s fill up on junk food. Drink some wine. And then I was hoping you could show me some of those judo moves you promised?”

I already had torn off a piece of piping hot pretzel to pop in my mouth, but stopped. “Oh, I was joking. There’s not really a gentle way to show judo. It’s pretty physical and rough.”

He swallowed and nodded. “I know. I thought maybe it could… help. From someone I trust.”

I popped the pretzel bite into my mouth. My eyes closed and I groaned. This hobby of his would be dangerous for my physique. “Wow,” I said with a mouthful of food. “Bennett, this is delicious.” I tore off a new piece and dunked it into the melted chocolate. “If you’re comfortable, we can play around and I’ll show you some of the easier takedowns.” I held up the piece and used it like an old professor would a pointer at the chalkboard. “But. I can’t just rely on reading your body language, all right? If something is even remotely veering toward uncomfortable, youhaveto tell me. Deal?”

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