AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I snickered. “Don’t fall and hit your head. I’ll get you some water.”
I watched Bennett brace himself against the wall as he slid down the hallway toward his bedroom. I tiptoed to the kitchen and quietly filled a glass with water from the filtered pitcher in the fridge. If I heard a crash, I’d go running. Thankfully, he didn’t fall. But after a few minutes, he did call out for help.
I set the glass on the table next to the couch and walked down the hall. Felt like I floated in the shallow end of a shark frenzy. This was dangerous territory. Abuse survivor. Too much to drink. Crazy sexual tension left untouched.
Bennett was in a tangle of pants and shirts in his bed. He had undone the top four buttons of his nice shirt but his pants remained wadded around his ankles where his brand new fancy boots prevented him from taking them off. I shook my head and chuckled.
“Benny, you’re a mess.”
“No judgement,” he said as he raised one hand, then let it crash atop his face. “Ho-ly fuck. I’m never having vodka again.”
I paused. I don’t think I had heard Bennett swear since I came back. Hereallywas letting loose.
I kept my hands in strict PG movements. No lingering fingers, no quick peeks, no come-hither sex eyes. I had Bennett out of his button-down and into a hoodie, popped his boots off, peeled off his socks, then his pants, and helped him into some gym shorts. Then it was back down the hall and into the living room. I found something mindless on the television. Laid him down on the couch with me sitting underneath his outstretched legs. (I stayed closer to his calves and feet. No way in hell my hands were going near his thighs.)
He had a hand slung over his face and mumbled something about how vodka was a “cruel mistress.”
My eyes caught sight of his left knee. A shiny white scar ran the length of it, staple marks dotting every quarter inch. I wanted to run my thumb down the scar, as if I could wipe away the hurt of the past.
He and his mother had gotten into a severe car accident early in his junior year of high school. Bennett’s leg split open, a mess of muscle and bone going in directions not meant for the human body. He didn’t know his mother was beyond intoxicated that afternoon when she picked him up. Her addiction had been reaching new levels that she knew how to hide from her son, but not her husband. That year, Bennett was quickly becoming a serious contender as a hopeful for the USA Gymnastics Championship. But a drunk driver—his own mother—killed any chance he had at it.
She survived. Bennett spent a week in the hospital, followed by long months of his junior year in recovery. Walt had filed for divorce, won full custody, and got himself and his son the hell out of Virginia.
And then, at his new high school in Acton, Bennett befriended a nice guy by the name of Vick. Vick was good buddies with two wiseguys from the neighboring high school in Concord since they all went to the same karate class. One day, Vick brought his new friend Bennett along to meet Chris and Connor.
The four of us never separated, spending those last weeks of high school in Chris’s convertible driving every back road we could find.
Until Bennett made eyes at me. Until I kissed him in the river.
“I’m sorry I’m so fucked up,” Bennett said through a groan.
I peeled my eyes away from the scar on his leg. Funny. He had one on his left leg and I had one on my right. I had never thought of that before.
“Hey, there were strong martinis.”
“No, not that. I meanme.I’mfucked up,” he said.
“You’re not fucked up, Bennett.”
“Yes, I am. Don’t lie to me. I know I am. I have atherapist.”
I gently put my hand on his foot, the other on the ankle. Those seemed like safe zones for touching. “We all have something we’re going through. You’re doing remarkably well for what life has put you through.”
“I want you so badly.”
Oh boy. Here we go. I couldn’t let him talk about this. “Bennett, let’s just take it easy and watch the TV. How about you have some of that water?”
“It’s like… it’s like… like I just pulled a batch of cookies out of the oven. They smell so good. Look so good. But they’re too hot to eat. So I just have to sit there and wait for things to cool down.” He picked his head up and looked at me with wide, unfocused eyes. “I keep getting burned. I just want to taste. I just want to freaking taste.”
“Things will cool down. They will, I promise you. When they do, you can taste as much as you want. Okay? I promise.”
I wanted to pull him up and hold him. Or to slide beside him, to brace his body against mine. Kiss his neck, whisper that he was safe. But taking advantage in any way while he remained in his current state would be a violation I could never come back from.
“I just want you, Connor.” His head had fallen back, now both arms resting across his face. “I want it to be like that summer.Oursummer. That was the best time of my life.”
Mine, too.
Bennett kept going. “I thought of you every single time I had to drive across the Sudbury to get to Boston. Every day. Every day I thought, that’s our spot, that’s our river. Shit, it was so hard. I tried to get away from it. I couldn’t. I wanted to run to you to get away from it.”
