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Is he right, should I have given Sydney the chance to explain things to me?
I shake my head.
What could she possibly say that would make any of this okay? She would have to do a lot more than explain things to me, her words mean nothing to me anymore. Which leads me to another question: What could she do to make me forgive the reason she came here in the first place?
* * *
Nathan is leaning against the counter when I get downstairs the next morning, a glass of water and Tylenol already waiting for me in his hands. After I swallow the pills, he pulls out a chair for me and crosses his arms over his chest. “I think there’s something you should see.”
He reaches behind his back and pulls out a notebook, then tosses it in front of me. My eyes immediately fall onto Sydney’s handwriting, the words written on the front making my blood boil — Dudley Ranch Project — there are even hearts written around the words.
“Just look at it, Dad,” Nathan mutters.
I glance through the pages until I get to a blank one and look up at him. “I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at, Nate.”
He shakes his head and flips through the pages, pointing to the top where she has the dates written. “If she was lying to you, why would she stop after the first or second time of being here?”
Even Nathan can’t keep track of how many times she was here. There’s hope shining in his eyes as he looks at me, something I can’t bear to see right now so I dart my gaze away from his. “Maybe she lost this one and bought a new one.” I’m not willing to believe that I rushed away from everything, just for her to have been telling me the truth.
Would I be able to forgive her if she was?
She may have ended up with feelings for me, but does that change the fact that she originally came here to ruin the one thing I’ve got for Nathan? I’ve tried my hardest to make sure this place was running smoothly enough for my own child to take over one day, and she was going to waltz right in here and destroy it.
My parents worked their asses off to make this place what it is today, so how is it so easy for Nathan to be on Sydney’s side through all this?
Nathan sighs. “I’m not saying I forgive her, but maybe there’s more to this than either of us know, and the only way to find that out is if you call her. Talk to her. Let her get a few words out.”
I shake my head. “I’ll pass. If talking to me is important enough to her she’ll show up.” Before he can try changing my mind any further, I walk out the back door and flop into the porch swing. Right now, I’d give anything to have Renee here to tell me what to do.
Would she tell me the same thing Nathan is? That I need to give Sydney an opportunity to explain herself without jumping down her throat? Knowing the kind of person she was, most likely, which is probably where Nathan got it from in the first place. I wish that I could be as forgiving as the two of them are, but that’s not how I was built.
Nathan doesn’t say anything as he takes a seat next to me, choosing instead to stay silent while I let my mind work through everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours.
When I showed up at the venue where the gala was being held, Sydney looked genuinely surprised to see me and couldn’t stop looking over her shoulder every few minutes. I never bothered to figure out what, or who, she kept looking at because the only thing I could see was her.
What if she wasn’t the one who sent me the invite like I had hoped she would? She was too jumpy to have known that I would be there, and at times looked angry that I was. Then I remember the way that guy looked at her as he talked through the mic, even the little smirk he gave me at one point, and it all sends a wave of guilt running through me.
Was this all a setup?
It could’ve been the guy's way of putting her in her place — if Nathan’s findings are true — and I was just caught in the crosshairs. He seemed to enjoy the moment a little too much for it to not be part of his own plan to bring her down, but what did she do after that?
I want to believe that she would’ve stuck up for me and the ranch, especially Nathan, but there’s a large part of me that can’t trust she did the right thing. There’s not much I can trust at all when it comes to her and I know it would be best if I try to let the love I feel for her go.
“I don’t know what to do,” I say softly to Nathan.
He sighs. “I’m not sure what you should do either, Dad, but it’s something you need to figure out on your own.”
As much as I wish he wasn’t, I know he’s right. This is my problem to figure out and he can’t be here to tell me what to do all the time. The guest house catches my attention and I imagine Sydney standing outside of it like she was the last time she was here, the way I devoured her lips when she pulled me inside of it and fell deeper into her orbit with one simple thrust.
Nothing is simple when it comes to her.
And even though my heart is screaming for me to call her, get her side of things, my head is overpowering it and telling me to move on. How am I supposed to ignore that?
Maybe I should worry about the barn that needs to be redone, then focus on everything with Sydney afterward. Nathan has the derby coming up soon and I’d hate not giving him my full attention when he deserves it. I’ve watched him work his ass off nonstop to get himself ready for it and I’m not going to turn my back on him now.
Sydney can wait — whether it’s only for a little while or forever, that’s still unknown.
I’m not sure what I would do if she showed up here right now, following me home to give me a piece of her mind. I have a feeling she could crawl up to me, begging for me to hear her out, but I’d still walk away — at least, that’s what I want to tell myself, but nothing is ever as easy as it might seem.
