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“What do you mean if I’m trying? I’m throwing it, aren’t I?”
“You’re throwing it like someone is forcing you to try out for quarterback.”
“Someone is forcing me to try out for quarterback.”
“Okay, fine. But, are you telling me that that’s all you have?”
“That’s what I got.”
“So, you’re saying if your girlfriend’s life was on the line…”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Then let’s say your mom. If it meant saving your mom’s life, would that be how you threw the ball? You don’t have anything beyond that?”
I looked at him knowing what he was talking about. Yes, I was holding back. I always held back because you never want anyone to know what you’re truly capable of. You want people to underestimate you. It was how my mother taught me to survive as the only black kid in small town Tennessee.
But staring at the guy who looked at me with unusual interest, I remembered that I was no longer in Tennessee. I was at a university in Oregon. A key to survival was being aware of your surroundings and my surroundings had changed. What did that mean for my survival?
“I might have something past that,” I said bringing a smile to Merrill’s face.
“Then, let me see it,” he said jogging down the field.
Centering myself as he ran away, I dug deep and locked in. As soon as he turned and crossed, I let loose everything I had and hit him in the chest. It felt good.
Giving me the ball back, he ran 10 yards further and crossed again. Letting it fly, I hit him in the numbers. No matter how far away he ran, each time I landed the ball exactly where I wanted it. My play had even surprised me. Until then, I was never sure of what I was capable of. I had discovered it thanks to Merrill.
“Call me Merri,” he told me as we returned to his father. “He’s ready, and he’s really good,” Merri said enthusiastically.
“Oh yeah? Let’s see it,” Coach said sending me onto the field.
Sitting at my office desk, I was snapped out of the memory by a notification on my phone.
The text read, ‘Hey Claude, Merri here. This is my number in case you need to get a hold of me. Let’s grab a bit to eat.’
I stared at the message. Why was Merri here? Was there actually a workout? Or was there something else going on like Titus had suggested?
‘Let’s meet tonight. There’s a diner on Main Street. I’ll be there at 7,’ I wrote back.
It wasn’t long before his reply arrived.
‘Excellent! Can’t wait. Thanks.’
My chest clenched reading it. What was it about Merri that got me to do things I didn’t want to do? I didn’t want the spotlight from playing quarterback. But he convinced me and we won three consecutive titles.
I had walked away from football. Yet, here I was… Hell, I didn’t know what I was doing.
All I knew was that I had been happy having Merri out of my life. Well, maybe I wasn’t happy, but I was figuring it out. And now, here I am excited about seeing him again.
I didn’t want to be excited about seeing him. He had said awful things to me. Was I so desperate to connect with someone that I was going to overlook what he did? What he had said?
This wasn’t me at all. I felt like I was slowly losing myself. Clearly Merri still had some type of power over me. And if he could convince me to ignore what happened the last time I saw him, what else could he convince me to do?
Chapter 5
Merri
I sat in my room still buzzing from seeing Claude again. I had forgotten how good he looked. I mean, he was hard to forget, but somehow he still made my heart thump. Looking at my hands, they were shaking.
