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No one else has ever had this effect on me. That was why I ran away from my feelings for him back at school. Every day that passed I was losing my grip on the image I had worked a lifetime to maintain.
I was the son of a football coach. All I ever wanted to do was follow in his footsteps. If I were gay, I could never have that. So I thought that if I could fight my feelings for Claude, my dreams would come true.
How had I made such a mess of things? Not able to take my mind off of Claude’s text, when my phone rang, I immediately answered it.
“Hello?” I said hoping to hear his voice.
“So you decided to pick up?” the caller replied.
“Jason?” I asked.
I looked at the caller ID. It read ‘Unknown’.
“Expecting someone else?”
“No, I… I was waiting for a business call.”
“I bet you were,” he said with the venom that had brought me to tears at the end of the last game of the season.
“I’m not cheating on you if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I wasn’t. But it’s good to know where your minds at.”
“What is it Jason?” I said not wanting to have this conversation.
“Is that how you’re gonna talk to me? You leave town without telling me and that’s what you’re gonna say?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“How about that you’re sorry? Or that you’re going to stop being such a dick to me.”
“I really don’t have the time for this?”
“And that’s the problem, you never have time for me. During the season you make the excuse that you’re preparing for games…”
“I have to prepare for games!” I insisted.
“Then when the season ends, you take off without a word like I don’t matter to you, even a little?”
“Of course you matter to me.”
“Then why don’t you act like it? Why don’t you ever act like it?”
I knew the answer to that question. It was because there was always a part of me that believed I would end up with Claude. I knew it wasn’t fair to Jason, but I had always had one foot out of the door with him. I was never all in.
“Nothin’, huh? Figures,” he said after my long silence.
“What does that mean?”
“That means I don’t think I want to do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“This! Any of this?”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I wanna break up.”
