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He was quiet again.
“It’s okay if it did. I’m used to it.”
“But I don’t want you to be. I don’t want you to think that that’s the way to solve your problems. You smashed up a car. Look where that got you.”
“Smashin’ up that car got me sitting here now next to you,” I said with a smile.
I was very happy to have won this debate, but not as much as Kendall hated losing it.
“Kendall?”
“Don’t talk to me.”
“Come on, now. Don’t be like that. Ya can’t always win an argument.”
“You think I care about winning an argument?”
“It really seems like it from where I’m sitting,” I said unable to contain a smile.
He looked at me frustrated.
“Well, I don’t. I don’t!” He yelled getting upset.
“Alright, alright. No need to get a way about it.”
“You don’t understand. If you think the way to solve every problem is with violence, what happens the day I become the problem you have to solve? Will you do to me what you did to Evan?”
“What? No! Why would you even think that?”
“Isn’t that what you were saying? Weren’t you saying you have a violent nature and that violence got you everything important to you?”
My face went white hearing his words. I felt like throwing up. The only thing I could do was pull over and shut off the truck. I turned to him quickly and he flinched. He thought I was going to hit him or something. As soon as I realized it, I raced out of the truck and emptied my breakfast into the weeds.
The retching didn’t stop. Every time I thought it was done, I would picture him flinching away from me and I would dry heave again. Eventually, Kendall came over.
“Are you alright?”
“I would never do anything like that to you,” I told him in the middle of convulsions. “Never! You gotta believe me. I wouldn’t!”
“Okay, I believe you,” he said kneeling next to me and rubbing my back. “I’m sorry I let you do what you did to Evan. I can see now that I wasn’t helping you by letting you do it.”
“I did it, not you. You didn’t let me do anything.”
“I gave you his address. I practically drove you there and sicced you on him. It was just that I was so angry.”
“So, now you know how I felt,” I said looking at him. “When I act like I do, it’s because I get so angry. But, I know that one day you’re not gonna find someone to beat me up no matter what stupid thing I do. Just like there is nothing I would ever do to hurt you.”
“But, how do I know that?” He asked sincerely.
“You’re gonna have to trust me.”
“For me, trust is hard,” he explained. “It’s not like guys like you have given me any reason to.”
“And it’s not like anyone in my life has given me a reason to trust them. But, I’m willing to trust you. I don’t know why, but I am. I’m asking you to do the same.”
Chapter 9
Kendall
