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Listening to him cry, I slowly broke down. All of the pain I had been running from rushed to the surface. It was like a dam had broken. I couldn’t turn off the waterworks. Eventually, the weight of it brought me to my knees.
Still not saying anything, Kendall kept holding me. It just made me cry more.
“I didn’t want to hurt all of those people,” I tried to tell Kendall. “I was just a kid.”
“You were just a kid,” Kendall repeated. “You had no other options. You were just protecting the person you loved.”
My heart burst realizing that Kendall understood. I didn’t think anyone would forgive me for the horrible things I had done. But, Kendall did. And for the first time, I felt that maybe I wasn’t alone.
It took a long time for either of us to stop crying. Once we did, we sat quietly for an hour. When my butt became sore, I thought about my promise to help Dr. Sonya set up for the festival. I wasn’t sure I was in the mood for it. I had told everyone I would, though. So, gathering my strength, I cleared my throat.
“We should go back. I told Dr. Sonya…”
“We don’t have to. We can stay here as long as you’d like.”
“No, I said I would. Besides, I think I’m losing feeling in my ass,” I told him shifting and making a face.
Kendall tried to resist, and then laughed.
“I lost feeling in my butt thirty minutes ago. I don’t think I can move my legs,” he said humorously. “Didn’t you say something about hiking? You didn’t warn me about sitting on the ground. I don’t have nearly enough padding for that.”
“Hey, I like your ass. Don’t you be talking bad about it,” I said with a smile.
“Then you can have it. I would much prefer to have yours.”
“Don’t you go tempting me like that unless you mean it!”
“You know what I meant,” he said with a smile.
“Yes, I do. That’s why I was warning you.”
Kendall looked at me with playful frustration and fought his way to his feet. He was as shaky as a fawn walking for the first time. It was adorable.
“Alright, come here,” I told him picking him up and carrying him.
“That’s okay. I got it.”
“No, no. If you’re gonna listen to my long story and sit there while I cry about it, the least I could do is carry you to the truck.”
Giving in, Kendall wrapped his arms around my neck and relaxed.
“If you insist.”
“I do,” I said looking into his big brown eyes.
As I looked at him, he reached up and kissed me. It wasn’t a long one, and when I tried to make it longer, he leaned back. Carrying him, I had no way of reconnecting with his lips. Placing him on the passenger side of the truck, he scooted away from me. I was starting to believe that he was teasing me on purpose.
Driving back to town Kendall explained how much my experience had shaped my life.
“I think that’s why you destroyed that car. It’s because, at a young age, you learned that violence is the solution to all of your problems.”
“Isn’t it, though? Violence paid my rent. Not only that, it got me my football scholarship. And wasn’t it my violent tendency that won you? Let’s face it, violence is what gave me everything that means anything to me.”
He paused. I had him. At least, I thought I did.
“It’s not your violence that got you your scholarship. I’ve seen you play. You’ve gotten what you have because you’re good, and you’re fast. How many hours have you spent working on that? It was your hard work that got you that.”
“What about you? Wasn’t it what I did to that asshole that got you to think about football players differently?”
