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“I’m kidding. What happened to your sense of humor?”
Merri turned his body fully facing me.
“I’m just really sorry about what I said. You don’t know how much I’ve thought about it. I know you didn’t ask for me to feel about you the way I did, but I felt it. I was so in love with you. You don’t know how much.
“You would be the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep and the first thing I thought about when I woke up. Knowing I would see you made my day. And, when I didn’t, or you had to cancel, my world fell apart.”
“Merri, I had no idea.”
“How could you? I didn’t tell you. I could barely admit it to myself. All I knew was that the sun rose and set around you. And then, because I couldn’t keep it in my pants, I fucked it all up.”
“I was fucked up way before you said what you did,” I told him sincerely.
“Are you kidding? You were the most together person I knew. I wanted to be you.”
“You shouldn’t have. Do you know that I didn’t even tell my brothers that I played football?”
Merri looked away in thought.
“Yeah, what was up with that? I mentioned that you won us championships, and no one had heard a word about it. How could you not tell anyone? Everyone from my elementary school knew we had won that first year, and all I was was the waterboy.”
“And masseuse.”
“I was your masseuse. If you hadn’t blabbed about it, I would never have offered to rub other football players’ feet.”
I laughed. “Sorry about that.”
“No, you’re not,” he said with a smile. “But seriously, why didn’t you tell anybody?”
I stopped paddling and looked down.
“I have a hard time letting people in.”
“Why?”
“Because if people know too much about you, they can use it to hurt you.”
Merri remained silent.
“Before meeting you, I had a hard time trusting anyone.”
“And then I broke your trust,” he said, saying something I couldn’t deny. Merri moved closer to me. When he was kneeling inches in front of me, he said, “I’m really sorry, Claude. I truly and sincerely am. I was just so in love with you. I…”
And that was when I kissed him.
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Chapter 9
Merri
Claude’s lips were on mine. How were Claude’s lips on mine? How many times had I dreamed of this? How many times had I pleasured myself to this thought?
The sensation was everything I thought it would be. His full, firm lips were warm and soft. Heat flashed through my body. I felt light-headed.
As I saw his hand moving toward me, presumably to clutch the back of my neck, I pulled away. I don’t know why, but I did. Staring into his surprised eyes, I couldn’t speak.
“Sorry,” he said quickly, looking away, painted with embarrassment.
